Life really is a mixture of joys and sorrows. I revel in the fact that the beautiful sunshine returned today after several days of fog and rain. What a gift! I love the fact that much of our snow has disappeared the last few days because of our warmer temperatures. It is a promise of spring after our long winter. It is a hope that my husband will be able to and want to sit out on our new deck this summer.
Yet there is also the reality of my husband’s disease that will not get better but only worse this side of heaven. There is the reality of receiving the news on Friday that my mother-in-law’s cancer has returned, and she will only live a few months longer on this earth. It will be a birth into eternal life for her, but we will miss her. Life is indeed a mixture of joys and sorrows.
Today, on Table Talk, Miss R joined us for 30-minutes of insights and reflections. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.)
One topic we discussed was particularly heart-felt. Miss R candidly spoke about her current worry: Will today be the day she enters her grandmother’s room and finds that her grandmother has passed?
Miss R works on the worry; she’s reading and reflecting about the what time will be like when it comes. She’s spoken with Hospice, which suggested additional reading materials. And, Miss R recommended this book: Living our Dying, A Way to the Sacred in Everyday Life by Joseph Sharp.
Tags: end-of-life
hands that scraped an apple, and mashed a banana, for me to eat when I was sick in bed
hands that brought me that treasured round tin full of wonderful and magical buttons
hands that brought me a glass of grape or apple juice
hands that cleaned up after me each time I was sick (special mention to the bare feet that walked in it sometimes too!)
hands that selected my new Easter clothes
hands that helped me on and off the buses and trains as we traveled the country
hands that held mine while crossing the street on the way to church each Sunday
hands that cooked some of my favorite foods, beef stew, pot roast, country style spareribs
hands that cared for others for over 15 years as an aide in the hospital, then 3 years in a home and school for developmentally disabled individuals
hands that made the tiniest precisely placed stitches, in mending and quilting
hands that did tole painting, creating special keepsakes
hands that worked word search after word search puzzle
hands so strong that when she held yours, she could cut off the circulation, and you better not have on a ring
hands which are now spotted with age
frail, and weak
slow moving and tremble
hands that wipe her nose and mouth, sometimes
hands that feebly point to her bear buddy, or
the picture of her and daddy
hands that if she gets mad
will muster up enough strength to grap hold
of my wrist or clothing
hands that arrange the bead necklaces
on her bear buddy
or look slowly through her cards and photos
hands that will randomly and for no
reason, tear up such items too
hands that patted my cheek ever gently in an unspoken gesture of love
It has been a what’s up with me kind of week. I have new blogs I want to write, titles already in place, but just can’t get my thoughts in order to finish them.
Wanting a bedroom and bed is weighing on me this week too.
Spring is coming one of my favorite seasons, but along with it comes another dimension of loneliness and sadness. Where the multitudes are enjoying the warmer temps, bar-b-cues are being held, festivals and picnics are being enjoyed, and the quiet and isolation intensifies in this house. Yay, I will get to open windows and doors, and air this place out (from smells unmentionable!), but it adds to the knowing of what is going on outside and what people get to enjoy that I don’t and haven’t for sometime.
Mom will be 96 in May….
Today was a lot like most days.
But it was also a bit different.
Chad changed careers, so to speak.
After picking our youngest daughter up from preschool, Chad and I ventured to his office.
He cleaned out his cubicle and turned in his ID badge.
As I have written I have had to break up two loved ones’ homes during the years and in the process have inherited a lot of stuff. Kevin and I were always careful both with Aunt Hilda joining our home as well as Mom that we did not define it as moving in with us. We always referred to it as joining homes. We felt in order for them to feel at home they needed their things around as well as ours.
We got rid of some of our things and replaced it with theirs. Sometimes when I look around I feel like I am in the “That 70’s Show.” A little modern, a little old fashioned. I’m not always thrilled with the look but I know the importance of Mom’s things to her.
Some things of course had to be discarded, some things we still have in boxes and then there are the special things they wanted near and dear. I was cleaning my china closet yesterday and inside is a beautiful yellow depression cake plate that was my Aunt’s.
If you support health reform, please note the following request for a call to action from National Alliance for Caregiving:
The next two weeks are critical for health reform efforts in Congress. The need to support the nation’s 66 million family caregivers and sustain them as the backbone of our chronic and long-term care system is a central issue in the congressional efforts to reform healthcare. Lawmakers need to hear from us now. Your voice and the voice of the caregiving community can make a difference. Below is a paragraph that you can use to send to your members of Congress to let them know that family caregivers are counting on them to finish the job.
To locate your congressmen or senators address, visit: www.congress.org or call the Capitol Switchboard, toll-free, at 1-800-828-0498.
____________________________________
Dear Senator or Representative:
As family caregivers, we urge you to vote yes when you have the chance to cast your final vote on health reform. Congress needs to enact healthcare reform now, with such important components as: Increasing access to services and supports for home and community based care; Ensuring that all health plans cover all prevention services and immunizations; Creating new transition programs for Medicare beneficiaries to better coordinate care among specialists, doctors, nurses, therapists, to reduce the rate of re-admissions to the hospital; and requiring all insurance plans offer dependent health care coverage for children until age 26, as well as banning all pre-existing condition limitations, and prohibiting insurance companies from placing life-time limits or monetary caps on coverage. We urge you to pass healthcare reform now.
Very truly yours,
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Tags: health reform
So, I’m sick again. I’m sure it is due to the stress of caregiving and the news we just received from the doctor, as well as the everyday routine I have for myself. I’m never outside, I am not eating well, I haven’t been working out, and all I can think about these days is death. None of these things are conducive to a healthy life. I was sick with H1N1 in November, was sick three weeks in December and into January, and was sick again in February and into this March. I realize that this is common for those who act as caregivers to the elderly, but it’s starting to really seem ridiculous.
So what’s the answer? I know that my life is full of stress and that stress is wreaking havoc on my immune system, so shouldn’t I do something about it? Unfortunately, I find that my default stance on just about everything these days is the one of least resistance. Example: Cooking requires too much multitasking, since Gram usually desires my attention while I’m making something. My solution? Throw something frozen into the oven, have mom bring take-out from town, or make a giant bowl of [buttered] popcorn for supper. You know what I had for dinner a few days ago? Pizza and cookie dough…and that’s not an aberration. It’s the norm.
A family caregiver shared this tip with me several years ago; it’s so good I never forgot it.
The family caregiver kept a bag packed with toiletries and change of clothes ready to go in case her caree was suddenly hospitalized. This way, she arrived at the hospital with her bag, ready to stay as long as needed. She could, if necessary, easily settle in to her caree’s hospital room to ensure proper care.
Some suggested items to pack in your hospital bag:
Tags: hospital
I moderated a teleclass for family caregivers this afternoon. One of the attendees who cares for her husband expressed frustration about incidences that occurred during her husband’s recent hospitalization.
“They called me at 10 p.m. Monday night,” the family caregiver said, “to tell me he was agitated and I needed to hire a caregiver to sit with him. Who in the world could I find at 10 at night?”
“I know,” another family caregiver said. “I just stay with my husband when he’s hospitalized.”
A hospitalized caree is akin to a traumatized caree. Hospitalizations cause confusion, anxiety, discomfort. Many times, the worst place for a caree is a hospital. Most times, it’s the only place that has what your caree needs to be better.
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