Well, once again my mother spent 5 days in the hospital. This time it was due to severe abdominal pain. When she is in hospital, all she does is sleep. She won’t eat at all. So she comes out quite debilitated. The doctors really wanted to tube feed her – either through the nose or directly into the stomach. I didn’t let them. At home mum still eats. Not much, but she eats. Today at lunch she ate some stew I had made. I mashed the potatoes and carrots up on her plate and put it all on rice and she ate it down and said it was good. So she still has a sense of taste and and enjoys what she eats. I just can’t see her with tubes though I know she is underweight. On Wed. I’m going to be talking to her geriatrician about this. It’s all very distressing!
Dear Denise,
I’ve been reading the recent discussion about guilt. I do schedule time away from my caree, but feel guilty for doing so—even though I know I want and need the time away.
I wonder: Is feeling guilty related to self-esteem?
Hello,
What a great question.
The short answer: Yes.
Let’s break it down.
Here’s the good about your guilt: Your ability to feel guilty shows your great capacity to feel for another. You can appreciate another’s pain or sadness or loneliness; you can put yourself in another’s shoes. Your caring is a good virtue.
It can become a problem, though, if you seem to care more for others than you do for yourself or if your guilt seems to get in the way of you living your life (when you can, given the constraints of caregiving).
I hadn’t had a chance to listen to Wednesday’s blog radio program with Mabel R. who takes care of her husband. Tonight I had a chance to do that. Even though Mabel’s husband’s disease is different than my own husband’s disease I can relate to some of her feelings in many ways.
Although I would find it very difficult to take care of a parent, I believe in many ways taking care of my husband is more painful. As Mabel pointed out, a relationship with a spouse was and is an intimate adult relationship. When that begins to take on a more caregiver-caree relationship instead of a husband-wife relationship that is a painful transition. I know I have grown stronger emotionally as a result, but it is still a painful transition.
(Editor’s Note: Last week, we launched a new service, Deal of the Week. Each Sunday, we’ll announce a company offering a special deal on its product or service for you. Each deal ends on Saturday.)
This week’s deal: Two Autographed Books (Take Comfort and The Caregiving Years), One Price ($32.97)
This week, buy Take Comfort, Reflects of Hope for Caregivers and The Caregiving Years, Six Stages for a Meaningful Journey for only $32.97 (includes shipping and handling!). You save almost $8. And, Denise will autograph each book.
Read the rest of this entry »
(Editor’s Note: This week, we launch a new service, Deal of the Week. Each Sunday, we’ll announce a company offering a special deal on its product or service for you.)
This week’s deal: For the first 100 respondents: Three free months of service from FineThanx
FineThanx is the perfect caregiving companion for working and long-distance family caregivers. FineThanx, an automated check-in service, places a once or twice daily call to your aging relative. You choose the call frequency and even the time period. You also can have calls made to two different phones, home and mobile, for example.
When your aging relative receives a call, she’ll press #1 if all is well. Emails then go to a Care Circle of family, friends, and professionals to confirm that all is well.
If your aging relative needs assistance, she’ll press #2. If assistance is requested, or if a call goes unanswered after three attempts at each listed number, a second automated calling sequence is initiated to the Care Circle, one person at a time, until someone who can respond is reached.
FineThanx is a family business started by Rachel Scharff and her father, Peter, after Rachel’s grandmother needed, but didn’t have, a service like FineThanx.
You can try FineThanx for free for three months—just be one of the first 100 to sign up for this special deal exclusive to visitors of Caregiving.com. Visit FineThanx to sign up for your free three months.
This deal ends today!
Visit FineThanx.
(Would you like your product or services to be our next Deal of the Week? Email Denise for details.)
I have said a number of times I purchased Denise’s book and it is wonderful. While I am away on my trip that book has brought me so much comfort. Today I am holding onto the page WIN. Don’t feel like your fighting a losing battle!
Last week I felt terribly upset as I could not come home from my trip from Georgia to New York because North Carolina was experiencing a snow storm. I really felt like I was in the twilight zone when I heard this weekends forecast that Washington, Virginia and Delaware were all in a blizzard watch. The three major states for which we must drive.
It’s Friday, so let’s share some funnies. What’s a humorous experience that’s happened to you in your caregiving role? It could be something that happened years ago or just yesterday, as long as today it makes you giggle. We’ll giggle with you.
Please share in our comments section.
And, we’ll give away a $25 Visa gift card to someone who shares a funny.
(Reminder: What’s bugging you? At 3:00 p.m. CT today, we share what’s bugging us. Use this hashtag: #carevent and join us in TweetChat.)
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We’ve received our first entry for our What’s in Your Caregiving Closet? contest.
Donna W., one of bloggers, sent the two photos, below, of a Caregiving Étagère, the hub of her mom’s room for her supplies and care. She also sent a photo of the communication board she created for the respite caregivers to use while she was away on a trip in December.
So… what’s in your caregiving closet? We’d love to see!
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Ask Denise: How Do I Train My Sister
Time Out! Signs You Need a Vacation
This week, we learned the results of a study that took a closer look at the impact on the health of family caregivers who also hold down jobs. Well, the impact isn’t good! The report also offers suggestions on how employers can connect working family caregivers with wellness programs.
We took those suggestions for wellness polls and created this week’s poll.
So, working family caregivers: Which welllness program works for you?
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