When assessing a facility for my parents I reviewed many things. Among them: quality, training and quantity of staff; state inspections; reputation; interviews with residents and other caregivers; general cleanliness. I gave the places the old eyeball test, and of course the all important smell test.
I did this all this past Spring before placing my mom and dad. Yesterday I realized what I had overlooked: Hurricane Weather Plan
As Hurricane Earl barreled closer and closer and I reviewed plans and supplies for my family and I, it hit me. What if my parent’s facility lost power or they had to evacuate? What was their plan? Did they even have one?
In a mix of concern and urgency I spent some time at the their facility talking with staff and management about their ability to withstand a storm, conditions under-which they would evacuate, how an evacuation would be executed and what notification would be made in the event that happened. The structure itself is pretty sound and to date they’ve never had to evacuate. In fact it is more common for family caregivers to evacuate to the facility and to stay with their caree on-site because it is safer than staying home. The facility is also on the highest priority by the local power company in the event of power outage for restoration of power and there is a backup generator system. A destructive weather plan is submitted to the state every Spring prior to hurricane season. They were better prepared than I.
Back at home I’ve stocked up on critical staples, hit the ATM and gassed up the cars. This storm didn’t appear to be a major concern. A Cat 3 hurricane doesn’t get folks here very excited and this one will not be a direct hit. However, it will be close enough, large enough and strong enough (now it’s a Cat 4 again) to be watched closely. I’m still mentally running through “what if” drills for me, two teenagers and a dog, but now I’m including my mom and dad.
My husband’s Mom passed away early this morning. She was a special and loving mother-in-law. She gave me my husband of 39 years. If it were not for her, I also would not have my three sons and their wives and my seven grandchildren.
She was a woman who was always in good health until her mid 80s when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She went through chemo treatments and the accompanying loss of her hair. In the end, however, her numbers begin to rise again; and the cancer once more reared its ugly head. She has been under Hospice care since Spring and in bed continually since early June.
She is with her Lord right now in heaven, and we are happy for her. We are sad in our loss, however.
We all knew that a funeral was in the not so distant future. I had been thinking about Wayne’s attendance at the funeral for awhile, but I really started thinking and worrying about this recently.
This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Ellen Rogin, our wealthness expert, joined us to share some tips on managing money during tight times. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.
During our discussion, we shared ways you can work your money, rather than work your worry about money. Ellen encouraged us to stop the struggle we create when what our life (and how money relates to our life) isn’t what we think it should be. When we focus on the reality, rather than fret over the lost expectations, we can minimize our stress.
Create a Spending Plan, Ellen suggests, so you can reassess and then readjust your money flow. Set a goal of having six to 12 months of a cash cushion. And, express gratitude about your financial situation and the power you have to make it what you want.
To help you, Ellen suggested the following resources:
The Savage Number by Terry Savage
Why Good Things Happen to Good People by Stephen Post
And, I added:
When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner
The Lord Is My Shepherd, The Healing Wisdom of the Twenty-Third Psalm by Rabbi Harold Kushner
(Editor’s Note: With Earl heading for the East Coast, take time to plan so you and your caree remain safe. The Centers for Disease Control has information about preparing for hurricanes here. If your caree resides in a facility, be sure to check with facility about its evacuation plan and how you can prepare.)
Related Articles
- Money, Stuff and Happiness (caregiving.com)
- The Chemistry of Happiness (caregiving.com)
- Vacation Talk (caregiving.com)
Tags: ellen rogin, money, spending plan
In a caregiving role, you make decisions daily. Some decisions seem rather simple (toast with cereal?) and others fall in the category of very series (Do I call the doctor?).
Even worse, you may feel that these decisions—from the simple to the series—are made in solitude. It’s you. It all rests on you.
So, today, we’ll talk together about caregiving decisions. And, today, I’d love to know: What’s the best caregiving decision you’ve made to date? How did you reach your decision? And, what’s been better because of the decision?
Resources
- To last caregiving, embrace your limits. Explore the power of your limits in a Caregiving Class; details here.
- Your Caregiving Journey airs this morning at 11:30 a.m. CT; listen live here.
- Meet us in Chicago; sign up for for November conference/retreat.
Related Articles
- Tell Us: Does Crying Help You Survive Caregiving? (caregiving.com)
- How Will You Embrace Your Limits? (caregiving.com)
- Decisions from the Head and Heart (caregiving.com)
- Three Voices of Caregiving (caregiving.com)
- How Do You Feel Safe? (caregiving.com)
- Tell Us: How Do You Describe Your Caregiving Role? (caregiving.com)
Tags: conflict, difficult decisions, success, worry
Steve and I were selected as one of four couples to participate in a panel discussion later this month. It is part of a Regional Alzheimer’s Disease Research Conference. We will be speaking in front of a group of about 350 people.
We started out by being interviewed a couple of months ago. Once the four couples were selected, we started meeting. The panel consists of four married couples. In three cases the husband has MCI and in the fourth case the wife has EOAD. In every case where we have met people affected by these diseases, everyone is very nice and has absolutely nothing in common. I mention that because Steve and I try to figure out if there is a common denominator, and aside from being married, we’ve found nothing.
So far the participants have met twice over dinner. We have two more scheduled meetings. At each of the meetings we have discussed specific topics. At the first meeting we spent time introducing ourselves, then moved into discussing earliest symptoms, how the problem was recognized, how the diagnosis was made and the reaction to the diagnosis.
We begin the third month of our Happiness Project today!
In September, we’re saving. Participants in our project will share what they’re joining in our comments section, below.
Would you like to be a part of our Happiness Project? We’d love to have you! For details and to sign up, go here.
Tags: happiness
The New York Times New Old Blog featured an interview yesterday with Lars Tornstam, a Swedish sociologist. Dr. Tornstam provides a glimpse into life at eighty, reports Paula Span:
An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s evolving.
Dr. Tornstam’s theory of gerotranscendence also includes an explanation for an older adult’s confusion with past and present.
“People sometimes describe their perspective on time changing,” Dr. Tornstam said. “They feel they can be children, middle-aged and old at the same time.” If an 80-year-old describes this sensation to a contemporary neurologist, the doctor might jot in his notes that the patient seems improperly oriented in time and place.
“What I’d like to tell grown-up children is that your mom or dad might develop into someone different than they were in middle age,” he replied. “Don’t automatically label what they’re saying, doing or thinking as a symptom of something bad.”
Dr. Tornstam does make it clear it’s important to distinguish gerotranscendence from a cognitive decline.
Tags: changes, conflict, end-of-life
I had a good day today. This morning I met with my Stephen Minister. I have met with her three times already. It already is proving to be a blessing having her in my life. It feels more like a deep friendship.
It also looks like we will be able to continue with the Medicare paid therapy for Wayne. For awhile it looked like today might be the last day, but now it looks like we will be able to continue. We do not know for sure yet. We should know in a couple days for sure.
Finally, I would like to share a poem that my sister sent me the other day when I was feeling down. I wanted to share it with my caregiving friends, so I have it posted below. I hope it proves to be a blessing to all of you.
Prayer for the Caregiver
by Bruce McIntyre
Unknown and often unnoticed, you are a hero nonetheless.
For your love, sacrificial, is God at his best.
You walk by faith in the darkness of the great unknown,
And your courage, even in weakness, gives life to your beloved.
You hold shaking hands and provide the ultimate care:
Your presence, the knowing, that you are simply there.
You rise to face the giant of disease and despair,
It is your finest hour, though you may be unaware.
You are resilient, amazing, and beauty unexcelled,
You are the caregiver and you have done well!
______________________
We dream at night.
Why can’t we also dream during the day? Why can’t we dream of the life we want?
Why bother, you may say, my dreams will never come true. They can’t come true during caregiving.
Maybe. And, maybe not. Dream:
- You stand your ground with grace and self-respect with those who would like to undercut your efforts;
- You see and embrace the moments of joy present each day for you;
- You live a life that reflects your values;
- You continue to enjoy those activities and hobbies that lighten your step;
- You look back at your life and can say: I’m so glad I did that;
- You evaluate your needs and then take steps to have them met;
- You look back at your life and can say: I’m so glad I said that;
- You have a bank account that allows you to make your choices;
- You consider your wants and then go out and get them;
- You have relationships which you love and which love you right back;
- You look good when you walk into a room (any room).
You have so much to dream about. Close your eyes. Dream.
It seems as though with computers and with this age of technology, things are so fast paced, that communicating face to face is becoming less common; e-mailing and text messaging are slowly taking the place of phone calls as well.
Last week, as I was doing errands, I noticed that it was not often that my eyes met with someone else’s. We are all in such a rush at times. So I began thinking about the different looks in peoples’ eyes.
This morning in church I got spoken to!–by my mother’s eyes. She does not make a lot of eye contact with me, this is pretty recent. I was trying to open a piece of candy during the service and I guess it was a little loud.(: She actually gave me that “mother to daughter” look that I was being too loud! This is the first time in a looong time that I remember seeing the mother-daughter look, instead of the mother to caregiver look. It was a good thing! Made me smile and I actually liked the feeling of getting in trouble by her for something other than a caregiver confrontation.
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