Dear Denise,
My mother-in-law moved into our home on a temporary basis this summer. She has Alzheimer’s disease and cannot live alone any longer. We decided to have her live with us while we found the most appropriate facility for her. We’ve hired 24-hour care to help, so I do have help.
The problem is: I really dislike having my mother-in-law in our home. I have not told anyone this because I feel awful having these feelings. I’ve always had a pleasant relationship with her and I do love her, but there’s something about her being in our home with us that drives me nuts.
My husband has mentioned that maybe this temporary arrangement could become permanent. I didn’t say anything when he mentioned this. I think I’ll go nuts, though, if she stays with us.
What do I do?
Hello,
I think anytime a temporary situation, which offers comfort in its limits, that may become permanent will make anyone feel trapped and claustrophobic.
Caregiving involves so many losses–for both the care recipient and the family caregiver. Your loss, right now, is loss of your home and your privacy. That’s huge! With your mother-in-law in your home, everything is different–your schedule, your downtime, your meals, your interactions with your husband, your bedtime, everything!.
My suggestion would be discuss your concerns with your husband about having your mother-in-law with you permanently. It’s okay if you don’t feel up to having her with you, that you feel, even with help, it’s just too much for you. It’s better to say so now than to hold your tongue and create a very unhealthy situation for everyone.
You can enlist the help of a geriatric care manager to explore housing options for your mother-in-law. To learn more about a geriatric care manager, visit here.
You are your mother-in-law’s caregiver–no matter where she lives: your house, her house or the nursing home. Changing the location doesn’t change how much you want her to be safe and well.
