Dear Denise,
I’m just starting on the caregiving journey and have a question. My 88-year-old father is currently in a physical therapy rehabilitation hospital for diabetic neuropathy. He isn’t making any progress and I’m quite anxious about my ability to care for him when he returns home (I live with him). He can sometimes walk with the aid of a walker but after a few days he reverts to not being able to even stand up. I’m very worried about being able to get him to the bathroom, in and out of bed, etc. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and am on disability. If he eventually has to go into a nursing home, well I don’t know what to do because I would then have no place to live. And, of course, I don’t want him in a nursing home anyway. He doesn’t want to go into one either.
I guess my question is…can I do it? Will I be able to care for him? Are there others in my situation, with some physical and financial disability, who are also caregivers?
As I said, I’m new to this so please bear with me.
Hello,
I do know of other family caregivers who have their own disabilities. Often times, a family member with a disability becomes the primary family caregiver simply because they are already home.
You are wise to ask this question. I think, though, you need more information to know your answer.
Work with the staff at the hospital on your hands-on skills; share your anxiety about caring for him and ask for suggestions. The physical therapist can include you in your dad’s sessions so that you understand how to transfer him safely. The therapist also can see your own limitations and offer suggestions to keep you and your father safe.
You also will want to meet with the hospital social worker or discharge planner. Let him or her know that you want your dad to return home, but you are very worried about being up to the task because of your own care needs. Ask for help in locating services that can help at home. For instance, will Medicare pay for a home health aide and a physical therapist to make home visits for a short period of time when your father returns home? If not, how much will the cost of a home health aide be? What other programs and services can help? Can home modifications improve your ability to provide care? And, inquire about a Plan B–if your dad returns home and it is too much, what are your next steps?
Be sure to stay involved in the discharge process and that you feel you have what you need before your father is discharged home. If the hospital wants to discharge your father before you feel ready, then tell the discharge planner you want to appeal the discharge decision.
In addition, you’ll want to meet with an elderlaw attorney to ensure your dad’s legal documents (durable power of attorney for health care and finances, will) are up-to-date. The attorney also can advise if it’s possible to remain in your father’s house if he does need to move in order to receive care in a nursing home.
You may find it helpful to create a Caregiving Mission Statement.
It’s important to keep a realistic perspective on what is possible at home. And, a demanding disease like diabetes can be difficult to manage. Work with your dad to make the right decision for both of you. If it seems that a nursing home can provide the care he needs, know he’ll still need you as his caregiver.
Let me know what happens.
