Dear Denise,
Finally, I’m going on vacation! I’ll be gone for two weeks in September. My sister will stay at the house and take care of my mom.
Here’s my problem: How in the world do I tell my sister what I do every day to take care of my mom?
Hello,
Good for you! It’s wonderful you’ll be able to take a well-deserved vacation.
Because you do so much, it can seem daunting to communicate so much, not only about what you do, but what your care recipient likes, dislikes, tolerates, can’t tolerate. It’s also hard to explain how you know how to manage your care recipient on a bad day–because it seems that you just know.
Some suggestions:
- I encourage family caregivers to keep two journals: One for their eyes only, about their experiences; the other, about their care recipients and their medical conditions. If you don’t already keep journals, now’s a good time to start. In particular, a journal about your care recipient will really be handy for your sister. In this second journal, document your care recipient’s day: Meals, disagreements, hands-on care, challenges, moods, activities, and conversations. A good time to update this journal during the day is after every meal and after personal care (morning and night). Your sister can read your journal entries well before she takes over; she’ll have time to ask questions or clarify information.
- Create a calendar that reflects your day’s routine: Bedtimes, medications, naps, meals, etc.
- Have your sister shadow you for a period of three days. Do this about two or three weeks before you’re set to leave.
- A week or so after the shadowing, have your sister stay with you and your mom for a weekend. This time, though, she is the primary family caregiver. Schedule activities for yourself outside the house (and alone) so your mom and sister can start to develop their own routine. You’ll be close by, though, in case of an emergency.
- Allow your sister to ask any “What if” questions she can think of–no matter how crazy or unrealistic they may be. One question I like to ask when I start a new job is: What’s the worst mistake I can make? Or, What’s the worst that can happen? If I know the worst that can happen and have some solutions–just in case–then I know I’ll be okay.
- Develop a back-up plan for your sister so that she’ll have options if she becomes ill or encounters other emergencies. This article about contingency plans may help.
- Be open to mistakes–from both of you. You always can re-group and move on. Keep your sense of humor and perspective and you’ll be okay.
- You can check with your local Area Agency on Aging and Red Cross to see if the agencies have any upcoming training classes for family caregivers. Additional training for your sister would be great.
The goal is increase everyone’s comfort level so that all three of you feel okay during your vacation. You also want to allow your sister and your mom the freedom to develop their own routines and habits. If it’s different than how you would do it, that’s okay!
Have fun!
Tags: back-up plans, contingency, siblings, vacation
