Getting Your Caree Help When Bad Weather (or Distance) Gets in the Way

Your Bad Weather Back-Up You watch the snow build from your office window. Or, you watch the storm clouds roll in–you know another doozy is on its way. You’re supposed to stop at your mom’s house on your way home from work. If you stop to help her, you wonder how you’ll ever make it home. If you don’t stop to help her… When bad weather comes between you and your caree, consider these tips: 1. Check...

How Do I Manage Night-Time Care Needs?

Dear Denise, I am caring for my husband and having difficulty trying to find someone to contact in case of an emergency late at night. I manage fine during the day and get some help but last night he lost control of his bladder and soaked the bed, his clothing etc. I was unable to find who to call at two in the morning that could help me turn the mattress over. I’m a senior and have a back problem so all I...

Helping Your Care Recipient Feel Helpful

Several years ago, I worked for a social service organization in Hunterdon County, N.J. I managed several programs that assisted the county’s elderly persons as well as their family caregivers. One of the programs, Volunteer Friendly Visitors, matched volunteers with homebound seniors; the volunteers would make at least one monthly visit to the senior. I had two seniors, in particular, in great need of...

Sunday Reflections

This morning I went to church as usual.  The choir song we sang this morning was especially meaningful.  I must trust in God’s promises in His Holy Word in this caregiving experience.  It is very difficult. but if I trust in the Lord He will be there for me.  My husband decided not to go this morning.  It is very cold today, but I think it is more an emotional thing with him.  It is often hard to...

Clutter

Where’s your clutter? Is it in your attic? Your closet? Your basement? Or, is it in your heart? A cluttered heart may keep at bay the blessings and opportunities that fulfill your life’s purpose. De-clutter your heart by letting unhealthy and unkind relationships fade away and by letting negative and growth-stopping thoughts slip by. Relationships that ruin, thoughts that stunt and habits that hinder...

The Epicenter of Hope

Hi! My friend Susan described my current hometown of DC as the epicenter of hope. Because of the new presidential administration. It is rather exciting to be here at this moment. Regardless of what you think of Mr. Obama’s worldview, you have to agree, he is one heck of a man. So poised. So even tempered. So calm and measured. He seems to exude presidential poise and integrity. I totally get the sense that he...

Sometimes it’s too heavy

Sometimes I read Sharon’s blog. I can completely empathize with her negative feelings toward her husband’s walker. It’s weird how these inanimate objects become so laden with symbolism and emotion. For me, it’s my mom’s oxygen concentrator. It is on day and night, 24/7/365. The sound of it is so—heavy. Resigned. It sounds like ‘giving up.’ It could be that I know that’s how my mom’s...

When Will Relief Come?

I am still not feeling loving kindness, nor that I am any kind of decent person. The only thing I realize today is how I DIDN’T SET UP THIS WHOLE DYNAMIC, and if I had a choice, I would have set it up very differently. I would have chosen everyone in my family to be very responsible, emotionally–to themselves and eachother, financially–to set a good example and for all to do their best to be...

Feeling the Feeling of Bad

Hi again. I have written often in previous posts about my relationships with my mother and father. And, good, bad or ugly, how well I care for my mother as she lives with me, and, now…under duress, I limit my relationship with my father. And, you know from reading previous posts how I struggle with my negative feelings and opinions about each of them as individuals. I realize–the sheer fact that I have...

Lonliness

We were able to go out to eat with some of my husband’s family today. That was fun especially in light of all the cold weather we have been having. There is a kind of loneliness in doing this, however. Even though I know they care, nobody really understands fully what we are going through. I miss being able to just jump in the car and easily go and do what we wanted to do. Now it involves helping my husband...

Growing Into Goodness

One of my favorite authors, Ken Wilber, theorizes that each of us human beings has to grow into goodness. We are all born with the capacity for good and evil, and with our progression through the various stages of consciousness, we are increasingly able to express our goodness. Much like we begin life as infants, grow into toddlers, children, adolencents, and then adults and so on, there are corresponding...

Ugh

I often think that caregiving would be a cinch if I didn’t have to really TALK to my mom. Yeah, the logistics and coordination are expensive, inconvenient and sometimes frustrating, but they are well within my grasp. It’s the companion/ entertainer/ confidante role I really struggle with. I realize, there is next to nothing I find interesting about what my mom has to say. Ever. In addition to hearing...

Winchills, Exercise, Blessings

It has been a very cold day today wiith serious wind chills.  It will be even worse tonight and tomorrow.  I was scheduled to substitute teach tomorrow, but basically all schools have called off school already tonight for tomorrow.  This means sticking close to home.  Even mid-week activities in church were cancelled tonight.  Cabin fever for me hasn’t been too bad.  When it is so cold, one is thankful...

Drama Free Zone

I’m happy to report that my aunt’s visit has been drama free. I guess in my father’s bizarre world-view, he has written ME off. HALLELUJAH, there is a God. Thank you God for sparing me. My aunt is a dream. She is in her 60s, but very determined and very active mentally and physically. She works, is retiring soon, but will continue with a high-level volunteer position in her church. She has lived...

Need Encouragement

Lord, I need Your wisdom and encouragement right now.  My husband, Wayne, accused me of not caring for him tonight.  This is the man who I stick with through thick and thin.  This is the man who I bend over backwards for.   Lord, You know the circumstances that brought that comment on.  Was I wrong? Lord? I’m floundering here.   Help me out here, Lord.  Help me to see the right path and the right...

Sunday Blessings

Going to church or anywhere for that matter with my husband involves much more effort than even a year or so ago.  My husband’s condition has deteriorated to the point that it certainly requires a lot more effort.  He can still dress himself for the most part, but the process always takes longer.  Also going anywhere involves helping him into the car, putting his walker into the back seat, taking it out...

Peeen-chay

This is a bad word in Spanish that my friend taught me. I’ve spelled it phonetically since I don’t know how it’s really spelled. It refers to a male person with a bad attitude! In this case, I’m referring to my dad. He is having a flare-up. If you’ve read my earlier blogs, you may remember that he is a very negative influence on my life, and excaserbates my mom’s psychological...

Working Out

I actually just did a 30 minute workout with Richard Simmon’s “Sweatin to the Oldies” video!  No matter that I am a klutz and wouldn’t want anyone else to see me.  At least I got my body moving and my heartrate up.  It is so easy to find an excuse not to exercise.  Today my excuse could have been that I am tired after working all day.  Recently I found out on the Real Age web site that...

Forward Motion

My husband and I talked, and we are looking forward to moving back to Seattle as soon as he finishes school. So–turns out, he doesn’t like it here either! Having that to look forward to lifts my mood immeasurably. I love to SOLVE problems—especially when things like CAREGIVING are so intractable, long-standing, and unSOLVEable. Um–I better tackle my MESSES–my Aunt Mary is coming to...

Getting Back on Track

Recently in my life I’ve learned about the dynamics of feeling any kind of entitlement–and how damaging those feelings can be in relationships, with possessions, in one’s career. If we are neglecting or not facing up to something important that we are responsible for, reality delivers us a swift kick in the pants—and if we search deep within, we can trace it back to our expectations and...

A Prescription for Me

For inspiration and higher functioning: – try to fall in love with DC… …go to experimental music shows …go to the national museums …go on tours to wineries and farms – wear blinders, get satellite radio and audio books for long commutes – watch cable – shop at Wegman’s exclusively – accept that I may be friendless for 4 years—use Facebook to connect...

My Life As It Is

I am still doing very well emotionally having reconciled myself to the reality of the caregiving situation. I am not doing so well emotionally with my present circumstances overall–and the area of my life it’s most noticible is at home–laundry, dishes, paperwork, boxes. We have just gone through a lot of changes —relocated 3000 miles away from a city that we loved and were very established...