Today Is Better

Today is a better day. I have really high standards for myself in terms of my behavior, my thoughts and my feelings. Even though I get discouraged, sad, disgusted, irritable, snappy(?) and exhausted at times, like any other human being, I have DECIDED, that I will be a loving, enthusiastic, cheerful and functional caregiver, wife and mother. I recognize my real feelings, remember to ‘work through’ my...

A Pleasant Break

I had a chance to get away today and do some shopping.  It was a refreshing treat.  It helps in fighting the cabin fever thing.  I had to go for a appointment, and so I also took some time to do some shopping.  Also got a haircut-my first once since chemo was over.  I almost hated to cut it, as it took so long to grow after chemo was completed. I feel like a new person with my haircut, however.   I am...

Cabin Fever

It is difficult sometimes to not feel a little cabin fever sometimes especially on these winter days.  We live in a small apartment now.  Life is so different from when my husband was healthy.  Going out is so much more difficult.   I have to help my husband in and out of the car, and there is always the concern about icy or snowy surfaces.  Communication is a struggle at best with my husband because of his...

Saturday Reflections

I had a fairly relaxing day.  I had some time to watch some videos and read.  I was reminded in my devotionals today that I need to remember all the sacrifices that my husband made for me and our family in the past and not just be frustrated by the disablities I see in him today.  We still have so much for which to be thankful.  Help me, Lord, not to be impatient, unloving, and judgmental in any way, Lord.  I...

Husband of the Year

So–first I should say that, my husband is the love of my life. He is the most gentle, kind, caring, compassionate human being I have ever met. He is stunningly gorgeous, amazingly ambitious and a wonderful provider for our family. Sometimes I can hardly believe I get to be married to him. We have the best time just being silly and ridiculous, just doing nothing. He is THE BEST. And, I’ve already talked...

About Mom (Part 2)

So–yes, we had her involuntarily committed to a psychiatric facility. She looked like a prisoner of war. She had lost so much weight, she was skin and bones. She was so angry and accusatory. When she is in this state, it’s impossible to convince her that she can trust us and that we’re acting in her best interests because we love her. Y*I*K*E*S. Believe me, a HUGE part of me wanted to go along...

About Mom

So–FYI–if you’re looking for what I’m referring to as the Small Miracle, it’s the fact that I found this website and the ability to create a blog to chronicle my real feelings on a day when I was feeling so desperate. And, back to the context of my situation—and then on to why I felt so desperate today. Perhaps some of you can relate to this!! OK–so–all my life...

A Small Miracle

I thought I was going to go crazy today–I was feeling sooo desperate about my situation–and so isolated. Who wants to hear the reality of how difficult it is? (It, being, of course, caregiving). And then, I found this website. What a gift. I was looking up the definitions of the words caregiving and caretaking. It seems like everyone uses them interchangably–is there a difference? Anyway, if you...

A New Year

A new calendar year.  Thank You, Lord, for being with us through this past very difficult year.  Be with us in this new year which will also more than likely be challenging.  Thank You, Lord, that I have You in my life to sustain me and help me.  Thank You for both the joys and the challenges of this past year, for it is through these things I have grown as a person and become more dependent on You, Lord. Today...