You hear this all the time: If someone offers to help, accept it! So, you do.
A neighbor offers to help. He works in the home care industry and has volunteered to install those grab bars in the bathroom. You’ve been meaning to do this ever since your care recipient’s arrival home from the hospital but there just never seems to be enough time, energy or money to get it done. So, your neighbor offers, tells he has what he needs to have the grab bars up on a Saturday. It won’t be any problem, he assures you, he’s happy to help.
Well, now it’s the Thursday after the Saturday and the grab bars have been installed, well, sort of. They hang–dangle, really–in the bathtub, completely unusable. Your neighbor, it turns out, had never installed grab bars before. And, well, technically, he still hasn’t. You finally call the hardware store and hire a staff member from the store to install the bars. It costs more than you want to spend. But, you need the bars. And, you need a usable bathroom. Now it’s the following Saturday and you seem to be dangling: You can’t seem to shake your anger.
Mostly, you’re mad at yourself. You ask your care recipient, ”How could I have let this happen?” Although it may seem that you’ve made a mistake, you haven’t. You just didn’t put safeguards in place. And, that’s nothing more than a lesson learned.
The next time a kind offer arrives, some tips to keep in mind:
1. It’s okay to ask about experience or skills when someone offers to complete a job that requires a certain amount of knowledge and talent. If it seems that the volunteer doesn’t have what’s needed to complete the job, then counter-offer: ”I think this is a job for the Home Depot guy,” you might say. ”But, I’d love for you to go to Home Depot and help me hire the right guy.”
2. While nitpicking isn’t necessary, it is necessary to have a job completed so that it functions and makes your life easier. If it isn’t and doesn’t, communicate what you’d like done differently. If your requests aren’t honored, ask if someone else could finish the work. If you can’t get a referral, look to other family members and friends for suggestions on who could complete the task.
3. Be gracious and grateful, even if the project wasn’t completed correctly. Tell yourself: You’re on your way to getting what you want.
4. Stay involved. It’s okay to ask for updates, as the project moves forward, as well as to ask how you can help. Be calm and direct in your communication and ready to negotiate when necessary.
5. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst. Always have a Plan B, C and D–just in case. You never know.
6. Finally, believe in your ability to resolve challenges and obstacles as they arise. You can!
