Life’s Wonderful Blessings, It’s Sorrows and Responsibilities

Yesterday I took care of my granddaughters again while my son went to the hospital to bring home his wife and their new little baby boy. I have enjoyed spending time with my grandaughters the last few days while their mom and new baby brother were in the hospital. When my son and his wife came home I held my new little grandson for awhile. What a joy to hold him and to see my granddaughters’ delight...

I Hate My Siblings

Dear Denise, I find myself hating my siblings more and more every day. They won’t help, but they sure do judge. What can I do? –Hating Dear Hating, It’s absolutely understandable that you have such strong feelings for those who never help and always judge. I’m not sure of another emotion that’s so hard to manage as hate. And, ironically, your hatred can be so self-destructive—and have very little...

She Shouldn’t Be Driving

Dear Denise, My husband’s parents still live by themselves–he is in very bad health and we believe she has Alzheimer’s. She will not go to a doctor. I have made her appointments with a neurologist and two of her doctors have made her appointments and she refuses to go. So we can only guess this is what she has. My problem is how do we decide she is a danger to herself or her husband because she...

Is His DNR Enough?

Dear Denise, First of all I want to share with you the good news. I am now into the 4th month of my pregnancy. I also am caring for my dad who is ill. Yesterday my dad had a doctor appointment that did not go well at all. His heart is slowing down and his arties in his neck are 45% and 40% closed. I know that I need to have a plan of action but I don’t know what kind of plan. This is totally different from my...

a moment of reprieve

I rant regularly on this website…about my family of origin, about caregiving challenges, about questioning myself. Today, the storm clouds have cleared, and I am feeling at peace with myself and my situation. I don’t know if I feel better because I dreamt the end of the caregiving situation was nearing, or if that strange smell is signaling. Or, if I’ve just come to accept more about what...

How Do We Manage Her Worry?

Dear Denise, My mother, who is 75-years-old, is in relatively good health for her age except she does have macular degeneration and a few other problems that occasionally flare up. She was the primary caregiver for my father who died one year ago. She has always been focused on health issues, with few other interests. My brother lives nearby and I live a few hours away. We want to “be there for her”,...

Grassroots Efforts Next Week for Long-Term Services and Health Care Reform

The CCD Long-Term Services and Supports Task Force is working in collaboration with the Leadership Council of Aging Organizations (LCAO) on several joint grassroots efforts to ensure long-term services and supports are included in health care reform. 1.      National Call-In Day The Senate Special Aging Committee is holding a hearing on long-term services on March 4.  The hearing is being used as a...

A Different Kind of Caregiving

I spent part of Tues. when our grandson was born and also Wed. and Thursday during the day babysitting our new grandson’s three sisters. Their daddy (my son) takes them to see their Mom and little brother at the hospital in the evening and then takes them home to bed. I have enjoyed taking care of my granddaughters very much. Taking care of my grandaughters has also been a time of caregiving, but to be...

Honor the Caregiving Programs That Help You

The National Alliance for Caregiving and MetLife Foundation are pleased to announce that applications are being accepted for the 2009 National Family Caregiving Awards Program. Now in its fourth year, this program is intended to improve the quality of life of family caregivers by recognizing and supporting the important work of community agencies and other organizations that support family caregivers as a...

Your Caregiving Challenge: Write Your Self-Care Rule

Yesterday, I finished leading a three-week teleclass about journaling for family caregivers sponsored by Foundation for Senior Living, based in Phoenix. For three consecutive Wednesdays, 18 family caregivers–some caring for spouses, others for parents–gathered for a conference call. During our second call, we discussed journaling as it relates to self-care. I asked participants to consider a current...

Help for Veterans and Their Family Caregivers

The U.S. Department of Labor has joined with the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs to launch an online directory to help wounded warriors, veterans and their family members connect with community resources. The National Resource Directory encompasses more than 10,000 services, including resources and support for caregivers, including aging and homebound...

Open

When life becomes difficult, it may feel like a good time to stay closed. Your pain may feel so intense that it’s too hard to share, so you keep it closed to friends and friends. It may just seem easier to keep the pain under lock and key. This truly is the time to be open. Be open to opportunities to share your pain with just the right person; be open to times when you can disengage from the pain, even if...

Joys and Sadness

Our new grandson was born this morning! He weighed 9 pound, 9 ounces and is 21 1/2 inches. His name is William Wayne. William for his great-grandpa and Wayne for his grandpa. (my husband) I took care of William’s sisters while my son and his wife were at the hospital. This is our first grandson after 6 granddaughters from our three sons. On a sad note my mother-in-law had her cancer surgery also...

It Looks Like Alzheimer’s, But It’s Not

I met a good friend for lunch today, who asked me to pass along this information: A Chicago-based news show, Chicago Tonight, aired a segment last night about a former firefighter who thought he had Alzheimer’s, until he was properly diagnosed as having hydrocephalus. Here’s the segment: http://www.wttw.com/main.taf?p=42,8,8&vid=022309e My friend’s mother was diagnosed several years ago with...

I just realized

October of this year will be the official 10 year mark for me. Ten years of being officially, legally and financially responsible for my mom. Like many things about the situation, I just find that irritating. I know, the powers that be would recommend I be more accepting and embracing. And that I make the most of it. Even Denise encourages us to find the meaning and become our best caregiving selves. Usually I am a...

What’s Your Favorite Frugal Tip?

Frugal is the new black. Saving money is as big as my hair was in the 80′s (I loved hairspray). But, if you’re in a caregiving role, you already knew that bargain-hunting and comparison-shopping keeps the budget in line. At November 2007 survey released by National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare indicated that family caregivers spend an average of $5,500 annually of their own money–more than...

the smell of death

Hi folks! This is really gruesome, but today, I took my mom to a doctor’s appointment, and she smelled so bad, I could barely contain myself from barfing in the car. I know this is not how she normally smells. She just took a bath on Saturday, and I know she washes her hands religiously (we have 2 dogs) and I know she brushes her teeth. This was not bad hygiene. This was something different. I smelled the...

What Do You Dread?

Today we launch a new feature on Caregiving.com: Tell. In Tell, you tell us what you think and feel. Sometimes, you’ll tell us what you wouldn’t tell someone else–and that’s our purpose. Let it out–tell us. So… Tell us: What part of your day do you dread? A family caregiver once told me that, when taking a few moments for herself in her room, she dreaded the sound of her...

Can You Be Happy?

Several years ago, I wrote a series of articles about happiness: Can you be happy while you are in caregiving role? In the role, the losses can seem so intense and unending. Can you get a break from the losses long enough to feel happy? The answers from family caregivers were mixed: Some felt happy they could step in care, others felt so trapped and overwhelmed that happiness became elusive. Happiness has become a...

Encouragement to Press On

Yesterday morning I was invited over to a lady from our church’s house for coffee in the morning. She is such a sweet lady, and we were able to share some of our struggles and prayer concens with each other. It was a real blessing and joy to be with her. She even sent a meal home with me for my husband and me. Later in the evening after cleaning up my house I saw my three local granddaughters for a few...

this is your brain on drugs

OMG, I cannot stop fighting with myself. Intellectually, I know I am a good person and that everyone loves me. Emotionally, I’m still struggling with my negative feelings toward my mother and family. The recent trigger is from the Lisa Williams Show. For those of you who haven’t ever watched the show, Lisa is a clairvoyant medium who speaks on behalf of loved ones who have passed away. The show is...

Frustration, Joy, Hope

The last couple of days have been spent with our filling out tax form isssues and also me starting to fill out a form for getting a waiver on us having to pay the premium on my husband’s life insurance. I don’t enjoy doing these things. Plus it has been FRUSTRATING on a communication level with my husband-trying to get his input on these things. My mother-in law will have her cancer surgery...