Dear Denise:
We haven’t has a personal computer for very long here at our home so I am very new to reaching out to someone I don’t know. But the tears are streaming down my face and I can’t see the keyboard very well, but I’ll give this a try.
I am 53 and my husband is 55. He was hurt on the job 28 years ago. So I have been his care/wife for a long time. We raised two beautiful daughters who are now 30 and 33. We have two granddaughters. We have all that we need and a wonderful family, but I get to the end of myself. I am so tired of being the one with the happy attitude and playing the nurse and being responsible for everything. Wow, that is putting it midly at best. I’ve never put in words my life before.
My husband is able to work part-time. He walks with cane cuff cruthes and can’t walk with out them. He falls frequently. He has broken his nose, collar bone and hit his head too many times to count. I’m always there and nurse him back to health. I am a positive person, he is a negative one. At this point I get no physical warmth from him unless I go over and get it and I do but I need someone to take care of me sometimes. I should be used to this by now, but life gets overwhelming even with prayer and an active church life. These are thing most outsiders don’t realize.
We were only married 5 years when he fell at work. We have been married 33 years now. I’m just getting tired and having the “I don’t care ” attitude about my life. I try but I can’t get the zeal for living that I once had. That’s all I feel like writing now.
Hello,
Oh, gosh, I’m sorry for all you’ve been there. It’s overwhelming to think to think how one moment (the moment in which your husband was injured) changed life forever for you. I’m not sure you can ever get used to such a drastic life change that occurs without any notice.
It does sound like you have a wonderful family. It also sounds as if perhaps you’ve put your happiness on hold in order to be someone else’s happiness. As you’ve found out, putting your needs and happiness on the backburner can just make you feel downright sad and mad. You’ve also found out that you can’t make someone else happy.
You have a right to happiness. You have a right to a marriage that fulfills and honors you. You have a right to ask for what you want and to receive it. You have a right to bad days during which you grieve for what you’ve lost.
My suggestion would to be find a good counselor who can help you sort through all this. A counselor can help you remember who you are and help you find who you want to be. Your local United Way organization and church may be able to tell you about counseling services in your area. You also can ask friends and family for recommendations.
You are among a very unique group; here’s another resource for you: http://www.wellspouse.org.
Hang in there…
Tags: bad days, frustration, housebound
