It’s the question most family caregivers will ask at some point: Do I just need a break? Or, is it time for a permanent change (placement in assisted living or nursing home). Before making a decision regarding permanent change, explore all your options:
1. Are you using all sources of help that are available, within the family and within the community? To be sure, call your local Area Agency on Aging, local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, United Way, Easter Seals, your house of worship. If others offer to help, but you tend to refuse because you worry about burdening them, accept the help. The nursing home decision is best made when all other options have been exhausted.
2. Is your care recipient still safe at home? Are you safe at home with your care recipient? Can you manage difficult behaviors? Can difficult behaviors be managed at home? (For ideas on products that can help with Alzheimer’s patients at home, visit www.alzstore.com.)
3. Take a break; admit your care recipient for a short-term stay in a local assisted living or nursing home (check with your local Area Agency on Aging about possible programs that will help pay for the respite stay). During your break, give yourself at few days to do nothing. Then, give yourself a few days to reflect on the current caregiving situation. What’s working? What isn’t? What can you change? What can’t you change? What’s the healthiest next step for you and your care recipient?
4. Are you toast? Are you done? Meaning, have you exhausted your ability to provide care at home? Everyone has a limit; it’s most important to acknowledge and respect your limit. Red flags that you’ve reached your limit include:
a. You cry, when you start the day, throughout the day, at bedtime. You seem to cry non-stop.
b. You yell, when you start the day, throughout the day, at bedtime. You seem to yell non-stop.
c. You can’t get out of bed.
5. If you’ve reached your limit, it’s okay. Ask for help in finding another housing option. But, if you’ve reached your limit and you ignore those red flags, that’s not okay.
6. Your care recipient’s health is suffering because:
a. The health care needs are too great to be met at home;
b. Your personality clashes make providing care an impossible task;
c. You hate providing hands-on care and do it only when absolutely necessary, which isn’t often enough.
d. The disease process makes it impossible for one person to provide care; a staff of professionals is needed.
The nursing home decision is tough—no doubt about it. But, often times, the decision is best for the family: The care recipient receives the care that’s needed and you, as the family caregiver, have an opportunity to enjoy a relationship outside the caregiving role. As your time together winds down, for instance, you can visit your father as his adult child, not just as his caregiver. And, making the most of that time together is a wonderful way to end your care recipient’s days.
I currently find myself in the position described above. I’ve reached my limit with being a caregiver to my 72 yr old mother in law who has lived with me for 17 yrs. I have been researching financial assistance through her VA benefits. I found a website that offers help applying for Aid and Assistance for spouses of Veterans. However, it asks if I have a sponsor. Caregiving.com was listed as a sponsor. How do I become sponsored? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
Hi Pam,
Would be glad to help. Which website listed us?
I did visit the VA’s website which details information on its Aid and Attendance benefit, including how to apply. Here’s what the site says:
What are Aid and Attendance and Housebound benefits?
Aid and Attendance (A&A) is a benefit paid in addition to monthly pension. This benefit may not be paid without eligibility to pension. A veteran may be eligible for A&A when:
–The veteran requires the aid of another person in order to perform personal functions required in everyday living, such as bathing, feeding, dressing, attending to the wants of nature, adjusting prosthetic devices, or protecting himself/herself from the hazards of his/her daily environment, OR,
–The veteran is bedridden, in that his/her disability or disabilities requires that he/she remain in bed apart from any prescribed course of convalescence or treatment, OR,
–The veteran is a patient in a nursing home due to mental or physical incapacity, OR,
–The veteran is blind, or so nearly blind as to have corrected visual acuity of 5/200 or less, in both eyes, or concentric contraction of the visual field to 5 degrees or less.
Housebound is paid in addition to monthly pension. Like A&A, Housebound benefits may not be paid without eligibility to pension. A veteran may be eligible for Housebound benefits when:
–The veteran has a single permanent disability evaluated as 100-percent disabling AND, due to such disability, he/she is permanently and substantially confined to his/her immediate premises, OR,
–The veteran has a single permanent disability evaluated as 100-percent disabling AND, another disability, or disabilities, evaluated as 60 percent or more disabling.
–A veteran cannot receive both Aid and Attendance and Housebound benefits at the same time.
How to Apply for Aid and Attendance and Housebound:
You may apply for Aid and Attendance or Housebound benefits by writing to the VA regional office having jurisdiction of the claim. That would be the office where you filed a claim for pension benefits. If the regional office of jurisdiction is not known, you may file the request with any VA regional office.
You should include copies of any evidence, preferably a report from an attending physician validating the need for Aid and Attendance or Housebound type care.
The report should be in sufficient detail to determine whether there is disease or injury producing physical or mental impairment, loss of coordination, or conditions affecting the ability to dress and undress, to feed oneself, to attend to sanitary needs, and to keep oneself ordinarily clean and presentable.
In addition, it is necessary to determine whether the claimant is confined to the home or immediate premises.
Whether the claim is for Aid and Attendance or Housebound, the report should indicate how well the individual gets around, where the individual goes, and what he or she is able to do during a typical day.