Determining the Best Care at End-of-Life

We have so many options when we bring children in the world. We can determine the environment (home or hospital), the help (midwife or physician), the drugs (some or none)—almost everything about the child-birth experience can be our call. But, the other end of the spectrum, our death, seems to be at the mercy of the health care system. We talk with our care recipients, have living wills signed, complete other...

Determining The Help You Need In, Around and Out

Looking into getting help for you and your care recipient? Not sure what help you need? Where to start? As you look for help, consider the help that hired professionals (such as a home health aide) can offer, as well as the difference the right equipment (such as grab bars and shower chairs) and gadgets can make. Consider these questions as you search for help in your community: 1. The help your care recipient (and...

Rather Than Fight, Be Flexible

When I first started writing about caregiving, I had worked with family caregivers in home health care settings (linking family caregivers to respite services) and in nursing homes (helping them admit their care recipient to the facility). But, I had never provided direct hands-on care. When the opportunity to work as a private-duty caregiver for Evie, 88-years-old and...

Working Well with Home Care Agencies

Make sure agency management understands your needs Sue cared for her mother, Audrey, in her home. Sue gladly took early retirement in order to be available for her mother. But, after 18 months at home with her mother with only breaks on the weekends from her children, she learned an important lesson: If she didn’t get out the house three times during the week, she began to hate her life. And, her mother. So,...

Adjusting Your Care Recipient to Your Changes

Annie lived with her mother, Alice, most of her adult life. She worked, held a responsible job at an accounting firm in the city. She meant to move out, but then her mother’s diabetes and arthritis kicked in. Annie felt it best to stay put. So, for most of her adult life, Annie did as her mother said. It just seemed easier to go with the flow, rather than go against the grain. Her mother was a stubborn...

Your Caregiving Advisory Board

Sometimes, you may feel like you run your own capitalistic empire; just like in the workplace, you supervise (schedules, home care workers, appointments), you create and implement budgets (sometimes for two households), you cope with uncooperative underlings (really, your siblings or other family members). The only difference between you and a corporation? A corporation has an advisory board–a system of...

Chronicle the Historical Perspective of Your Care Recipient

In your role, you provide care to a family member. But, you also hold a key to our nation’s history; chances are, your care recipient has participated in many amazing historical moments: economic devastation, technological revolutions and World Wars. And, the Veterans History Project wants you to unlock the war-time experiences of your care recipient. To preserve the history our nation’s veterans...

We’ll Say It: Thanks!

It’s 9:30 at night. You’ve just helped your mother to bed, which includes bathing, brushing, and battling. There’s no time of the day you both dread more than bath time. But, your day isn’t over–not by a long shot. You still have to help your daughter with her homework assignment, finish making your grocery list for the week’s meals, and call your sister to give her an update on...

Focus on What Goes Right, Not Wrong

Sue has just arrived to work–and it’s already mid-morning. Frustrated, nervous and at her wit’s end, she only wants to sit in her cube and cry. But, she can’t. Her presentation is set to begin in 15 minutes–a presentation, if it goes well, that could net her the promotion she’s been hoping for. Rather than reviewing her presentation one last time, Sue can’t think of...

Six Steps to Staying Refreshed

1. Welcome help. You’re probably the best caregiver in your family–but you’re not the only one. Your spouse can read to your care recipient on a Saturday afternoon so you can get out with friends. Your siblings can provide financial support so you can hire home health aides–and give yourself a regular break from laundry, cooking and cleaning. Your adult children can spend an evening with...

Fighting the Blush Flush: Handling Those Embarrassing Situations

June sat at the kitchen table, fuming. “How dare they,” she thought. “How dare they carry on as if there’s no problem. Don’t they understand what’s happening to me? How can they be so mean!” Then she stood up and faced her sister, Elaine. Her anger was too great to be controlled. And, so in front of everyone–her husband, her sister-in-law and her daughter–she...

Letting Yourself Off the Hook

Accept the relationship for what it is Sometimes caregiving can impact our relationships with our care recipients in an amazingly powerful and positive way. We become closer to our care recipients than ever–and we find an appreciation and love we never experienced before. And, sometimes we don’t. Keep your expectations of caregiving and your care recipient in perspective. It’s wonderful to hear...

Twelve Steps for Caregivers

By Carol J. Farran, DNSc, RN, and Eleanore Keane-Hagerty, MA 1. Although I can’t control the disease process, I need to remember I can control many aspects of how it affects me and my relatives. 2. I need to take care of myself so that I can continue doing the things that are most important. 3. I need to simplify my lifestyle so that I have time for what is important. 4. I need to cultivate the gift of...

Ethics Committees Can Help You Sort Out a Decision

If you face an end-of-life decision while your care recipient is hospitalized or resides in a nursing home, you can ask for the assistance of the facility’s Ethics Committee. Many hospitals and nursing homes have created such a committee to assist both health care professionals and family members with moral, ethical and legal decisions involving the treatment and care of patients. The committees typically...

My Treasure

The weather has been finally warmer yesterday and today. I took a walk outside yesterday. I haven’t done that in weeks. It was really invigorating to get outside and walk again. Sometimes I have to get out of the house for awhile with everything that is going on with my husband. Today was a busy day with church, Sunday school, and two choir practices. It was again a good chance to get out. ...

Why Am I Doing This for Free?

Hi, I take care of my grandmother 24 hours during the week. Her kids pick her up on Friday night at 6 p.m. and bring her home on Sunday by 6 p.m. My question is: Am I wrong to feel that I should be paid for my time? How much should I be paid for 24 hour care? I fix all of her meals and clean up after her and do all the housework, etc. I also do her hair and make-up and all the laundry, take her to the doctor and...

Me Versus My Sister

Dear Denise, I have been looking around the Internet on the subject of care giving and came across your website.  I have a question and hopefully you might be able to help me. My husband and I are caregivers for my mother who is a severe dementia patient.  We have moved into her house over two years ago, but still maintain and pay all the bills at our house. My sister is adamant about us NOT living at...

I Have Lost My Zeal

Dear Denise: We haven’t has a personal computer for very long here at our home so I am very new to reaching out to someone I don’t know. But the tears are streaming  down my face and I can’t see the keyboard very well, but I’ll  give this a try. I am 53 and my husband is 55. He was hurt on the job 28 years ago. So I have been his care/wife for a long time. We raised two beautiful daughters who are now 30...

Assumptions: The Death of a Dialogue

It’s happened to me lately more than I would like to remember. I am relating a story and am stopped mid-sentence. My listener wants to insert her interpretation of the story. She wants to tell me about how she thinks I feel, how she thinks I am reacting to this situation, the point she feels I am making. Sound familiar? You relate a story to a listener who ends up relating the story to themselves, leaving you...