Dear Denise,
I’m writing to you on behalf of my neighbors. We have walked together in the mornings and have played euchre together for 18 years.
Now one of these fabulous women is caring for her mother who is battling breast cancer. The prognosis is not good and our friend has moved in with her mother in almost a hospice environment. We want our friend to know we care about her and would like to put together a basket of things that would be meaningful for the caregiver. Do you have any thoughts about what would be good? Most of us have not been in her shoes fortunately, so we feel like it’s important to be thoughtful and yet cheerful. Any ideas?
Hello,
Great question and a great idea for your friend.
I think chocolate is a must. 
A few other suggestions:
Consider each of you purchasing a card and sharing thoughts of how special she is and how much you support her.
Because it may be difficult for your friend to leave the home to take breaks (and regular breaks for her will be important), you might want to include some books and videos (or DVDs) that you think she may enjoy reading/watching.
Including a blank diary or journal would be another nice gift; these are precious days and moments for your friend and her mother, perfect for recording in a diary or journal.
You also may have include a book that’s been highly recommended by family caregivers: “Final Gifts, Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying” by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley. Although you may feel uncomfortable sharing such a book and it might be hard for your friend to receive, giving it to her means that she can read it when she’s ready.
If you live near your friend’s mom, you and the other neighbors might also want to create a schedule of dinners that you bring to your friend. Having someone drop by (with food!) on a regular basis will be very comforting to your friend. If you can do this, include this schedule in the gift basket, letting your friend know who will drop by when (and giving her the option to revise the schedule based on her schedule).
If you can, you may also want to consider creating a schedule of breaks for your friend, each offering to sit with her mom so she can run errands or just take some time for herself. If this doesn’t seem possible, you may want to offer to run errands for her. If you can provide breaks or run errands, include this schedule in the gift basket, as well.
If your friend’s mom lives far away, then consider creating a schedule of times when a friend will to check in. Perhaps you’ll decide to call Monday evening at 8:30 p.m., another Tuesday afternoons at 4 p.m., etc. Include a copy of this schedule in the basket, too. Keep in mind that your friend may ask that the schedules be revised to better fit her day of caring. And, if her mom is out of the area, you could include gift cards to restaurants in her area that she can use for carry-out (or delivery).
Hope this helps; please let me know what you decide to include.
If you or your care recipient are in a crisis, we urge you to call a health care professional immediately for assistance. Denise only provides general insights about general situations. You should always consult your own lawyer, financial planner, health care professional and other professional advisors for advice specific to your situation.
