I recently had a disagreement with a friend. Our disagreement was about the balance in our friendship. I said I felt I gave and he took. He disagreed, believing that I hold him to a higher standard than others, including myself.
Ah! The door opened—I walked through.
I provided details on how I had been a good friend and how, when I needed a good friend, he wasn’t there.
This moment, the moment I could say, My actions and words are aligned, was quite sweet.
Walking straight, the image I envision when I want to be sure my words and actions are aligned, has become a fundamental element of each day for me. I look to my values to guide my actions and words. My values include:
Integrity
Self-care
Honesty
Kindness
Peace
Love
Harmlessness
So, each day, I focus on walking straight with my words and actions, led by my values. When I walk straight, I feel better managing difficult interactions with others; I feel stronger when I stand up for myself; I feel wiser when I make decisions about how and when to spend my time.
With my friend, for instance, I was able to review what I’m giving versus what I’m getting. With the scale out-of-balance, I was able to make a decision about re-balancing the scale. I was honest with my friend about my pain in the friendship; I took care of myself during our interaction by focusing on my message (“This is what I want”); I was kind in telling him how much I want him to succeed; I was peaceful in the delivery of my messages. For me, that’s an interaction of integrity.
When I focus on how I am walking, I avoid blaming and resenting others for walking differently. If I were to say, “I’m not going to do this for XX because XX would never do that for me,” then I am walking slouched. If I say, “I’m going to do this for YY because this action reflects one of my values,” then I am walking straight. I take actions and speak words true to me. Ultimately, this decision proved to be incredibly powerful for me with my friend.
I determine my actions based on my values. If I let others determine my actions, then I sell myself short.
Knowing this keeps me walking tall. And, interestingly enough, when I walk tall I have the power to transform a friendship.
