If you think long and hard enough, you’ll know precisely the moment it started.
Most likely, it started over a bike, a mitt or a doll. Or, two of the three. Or, perhaps all three.
You remember the unfairness of it all—how one sibling got just what you wanted. And, you? Well, you got the ugly flannel pajama set. Or, the complete set of encyclopedias about bugs.
The feeling of unfairness can follow you through life, gaining speed during the biggest and most unfair life test of all: Caregiving.
In caregiving, fairness never seems to show up. The unfairness began with the diagnosis–it’s almost unbelievably unfair that anyone, much less your family member, should receive the news that they have cancer, or Alzheimer’s, or diabetes. It’s even more unfair if the diagnosis is the result of poor life choices completely out of your control, but now very much a part of your life. You didn’t smoke, for instance, but your lungs ache from not having enough time to breath—really, really breath from relaxation—as if you enjoyed 20 Marlboros every day.
It’s unfair how unhelpful and uncaring the health care system can seem. It’s beyond unfair that you have to scrape and fight for any help. It’s unimaginable how unfair it is that your efforts are often met by ungratefullness.
It’s just unfair.
But, here’s what’s fair: The blessings and abundance you recoup for facing life’s toughest battle with courage. And, it’s truly fair that you can live life without regrets. Because you could, so you did. The unfairness now will become your life’s fair, a carnival of wisdom, peace and joy.
…Take our survey so you can participate in our private four-week MasterMind group? Our survey asks what caregiving is like for you—we’d love to know.
…Join our ring of support and Progressive Party? Our party takes place April 17 through April 24. Rather than bringing our favorite casserole or a decadent dessert, we’re bringing good cheer and well wishes to the blogs of family caregivers. Hop on board!
…Commit to our latest Caregiving Challenge: Save. I’ve banked 30 buckaroos…
…Share a hospital discharge horror story?
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Life isn’t fair. I think we as humans and especially Americans have too much of a feeling of entitlement and a “my rights” attitude. If we remember that we deserve nothing, we will be joyful about the many blessings we do have. Yes, it does seem as if some people slide through life on a bed of ease, but hard times build character. Also what may on the outside appear to be a life of ease might be in reality a life harboring many difficulties behind closed doors. We do not know fully what others are going through in thier lives. Each of us has a path assigned to us. We can choose to struggle to live it in the Lord’s strength and joy or in anger and frustration at the unfairness of it all. I think this is a daily struggle and choice.
I don’t feel the unfair feeling of being a caregiver, having to sit back and watch our loved ones go through what they go through health wise is a choice, not all of us feel we are owed something in life. We each are given a path, and I know that my place is where I am, taking care of my family and being caregiver to my father. But its an emotional feeling the fair/unfair feeling. When you sitting by their bedside in the hospital watching them that is just human nature to say its not fair.
Susan’s last blog post..A lot on my plate at the moment
I know exactly what you are saying, Susan. Being a caregiver myself I do not think a caregiver’s path is easy. It breaks my heart to see my husband slow progression downward due to his neurological disease. It breaks my heart that we are not enjoying the kind of retirement I dreamed of having. It also was not “fair” when I went through cancer last year. We all feel discouraged by these things. I have plenty of down feelings. We can’t always control our emotions. I find it has helped me, however, to think about all the blessings I still have. Hope that makes sense.
Oh I would be lying if I never squealed the Its Not Fair Line here at some point or another…I am not at retirement age yet however when I walked down the aisle with my husband 30 years ago I had no idea I would have been caring for two of my elderly relatives…one at a time thankfully for me..I read earlier there is someone that posted she is caring for both her mom and mother in law…that has to be so difficult for sure.
Sometimes we truly feel like we are in troubled waters…there is no doubt about that….those terrible its not fair cold dark troubled waters….but Im glad I have the bridge to get me over them…My husband is my bridge…he never deserts me when Im discouraged so I have such a blessing….
I actually printed out the words to Simon and Garfunkels song Bridge Over Troubled Waters Today….
I hope you all can somehow find someone that will dry your eyes when your feeling weary and small and when feeling you are in the its not fair mode…
and remember your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way my friends…..we are all blessings to our carees…and even though its not always fair for sure when you help others you will one day realize you are really helping yourself as well.
Im on your side everyone…Im sailing right behind each and every one of you!! If you need a smile this week let me know:)