Can you point me in the right direction?

Everyone – OK–I need your help–please read this description of my mom’s condition and help me answer the questions at the end: My mom’s cognition has rapidly changed for the worst since March 25th, and she has been completely and totally incontinent since May 19th. I’ve visited her family doc and her geriatric psychiatrist, and we’re beginning the process of figuring out...

Ten Tips to Beating The After-Break Break-Up

Image by Kenzoka [wish I had more time now...] via Flickr Ahh… you got a break. Maybe it was just for one day or for a weekend or maybe even for a week. And, on your break, you did just what you wanted. It was heaven. Then, it ended. Now, you’re in the anti-heaven. You have to go back. You must go back. You want to want to go back. But, honestly, all you want is a break up. You want to break up with...

Resources for Managing Dementia’s Difficult Behaviors

Yesterday, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager joined us for our monthly discussion on Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our show via the player, below. We mentioned the following resources on our show: The Alzheimer’s Project; you can watch the series online. The UCSF Memory and Aging Center has a YouTube channel to educate family caregivers about dementia. Coach Broyles’ Playbook: The Playbook...

Well, now we know for sure.

My mom was diagnosed with Dementia today. (Actually yesterday, it’s now the middle of the night, and I’ve had insomnia for 2 days) From what I can tell, she’s in the mild to moderate stages. We are going to see her Geriatric Psychiatrist later today for next steps. I guess she has Functional Incontinence. That’s when you’re not fast enough or don’t understand that the sensation...

This Week, Delve into Your Daydreams

(Editor’s Note: On Wednesdays, we share a journaling tip as part of our series, Journaling 101. This is our sixth tip.) Your imagination, which shows itself to you in your daydreams, is the key to your soul. This week, let your daydreams sweep you away. And, then write in your journal where your daydreams took you. Writing down your daydreams gives them the power to become your...

Torrents of tinkle

Hi y’all– Oh, wow, it’s been so much to learn about verbal and emotional abuse. I have a million thoughts at the same time. It’s hard to verbalize coherently. It has so many implications, and I hope to be able to clearly articulate it all at some point. In the meantime–wow, what a torrent, OF TINKLE! Anyone who’s had dogs or young children has experience dealing with human...

Choose Joy

I have been having trouble at the caregiving site. My computer keeps throwing me off the site. Then today I went to my dashboard, and I tried to write a blog. Well, I had it partly written, and it just disappeared on me! So I will now first try to write a blog with my favorite word processing program, and then I will try to see if I can copy paste it there before it disappears again! I just got back...

Defining Reality

My mom is verbally abusive, according to the descriptions offered by these 5 professionals. Reading these books feels like someone gave me the keys to a very difficult puzzle. Like I could have spared myself YEARS of anguish and failure if someone had let me in on ‘the secret’ in my early 20s. I guess I should be grateful to have the information on how to handle these situations, instead of continuing to...

Happy

Our Constitution guarantees us the right to the pursuit of happiness. But, do you place your pursuit a second to another’s? Meaning, do you believe you must put energy into another’s pursuit, leaving yours to fall behind? Happiness, often, is a choice. When you awake in the morning, you can choose to feel a certain way, even in the face of pain and heartache. You can choose to enjoy moments of...

Which Is She?

How do I know if my mom is truly, objectively deliberately verbally abusive, or just out of control pathetic, paranoid and delusional? What a crazy question even to ask! Even to THINK! Let alone admit in a public forum. Nevertheless, I needed to know the answer. Would these books yield any insight? Oh, one thing I forgot to say in the last post is that she ignores every request I make of her out of hand. “Mom,...

Is She Verbally Abusive?

Is my mom truly verbally abusive as I have often suspected? My internal dialogue goes something like this: Yadda, yadda. How fashionable to lob the abusive allegation against someone these days. Dr. Phil, Oprah, it is literally everywhere. Isn’t everyone abused at some point? It’s almost blasé–it’s so commonplace. And, at the same time, do not bandy accusations about willy-nilly. It’s still a serious...

Can I Have a Life with No Regrets?

What would it be like to live with no regrets? When I first thought of this, it seemed like the answer was the same as the answer to the question, “What is possible in my relationship with my mother?” …A transactional relationship, with me setting limits if I’m attacked, demonstrating emotional restraint and responsibility, and providing nothing to react to. And giving the rest to God to get back a ton of...

A Caregiving Life: Can Caregiving Be a Reality Show?

Image via Wikipedia My niece sent me an email the other day. “Remember when you would watch us when our parents were out of town?,” she wrote. “Remember all the reality TV we watched?” I am proud of the fact that I was the first to expose my then 16-year-old, 14-year-old and nine-year-old nieces to reality TV. I love reality TV. Which causes me to consider: Could caregiving become a reality...

New Aging-in-Place Products on Your Caregiving Journey

Yesterday, Jamie Goldberg, our aging-in-place specialist, joined us for a discussion on Your Caregiving Journey of the new products created to help our care recipients (and ourselves) remain safely at home as long as possible. (We had technical difficulties at the start of the show—but you’ll hear that soon enough.) To listen to the show, visit here. Jamie reviewed new products for Kitchen + Bath...

I Guess I Do

On how I do love my mother: Given that it’s not healthy to be enmeshed with someone who does not respect any boundaries or possible to truly connect with someone who is not emotionally mature and developed enough to have a healthy intimacy, feeling the love has definitely been a challenge for me. On reflection, I do know that I… Often think in terms of what is best for her Think about creating her experience...

This Week, Set Your Intention

Image via Wikipedia (Editor’s Note: On Wednesdays, we share a journaling tip as part of our series, Journaling 101. This is our fifth tip.) Where do you want your caregiving role to lead you? You and your care recipient? Your family? This week, give thought to your intention about your caregiving role and its impact on you and your relationships. What do you intend to create in these relationships because...

Who Needs a Gym? A Chair Will Do

Every once in awhile, we like to share a resource that we think you may find helpful. Today? It’s Sit and Be Fit, a line of exercise videos developed and lead by Mary Ann Wilson, who you’ve probably seen on your local PBS station. Mary Ann has tapes for persons with chronic illnesses, such as arthritis and Parkinson’s, as well as tapes for persons new to an...

Warmth

After a cold winter, the warm sun invigorates us, seeming to kiss our face, giving our skin a warm glow. It feels great! How do you warm your inside—your soul? Who regularly kisses your soul? Know that your soul needs to know such warmth, too. Warm your soul with the good friends and family members who honor who you are, especially who you are in your caregiving role. Not sure who (or what) warms your soul?...

Forget my email, forget my number.

There are three of us in our family. My Brother is the eldest, my Sister is the middle child and I am the youngest. My sibs are only separated by about 15 months and I am separated by 4 years. It is odd how our dynamics within care-giving are not unusual. We three were never very close. There were the jealousies and infighting that all siblings have in competition for parental love but ours was a broken and...

If it’s not one thing, it’s my mother…

Hi, I’m Deanna and this is my story of care-giving. My care-giving for Mom began about 20 years ago. She suffered from pulmonary embolism, fractured arms, wrists and hands here and there. Her balance was never great and she always managed to break something when I would take a vacation. I lived with her so I would take care of her during these times and try to keep a full time job when she would lose hers...

To Me, It’s Like Nails on a Chalkboard

Image by Getty Images via Daylife That’s how I feel about the term “parenting our parents.” It’s a term that’s been around for awhile. I first wrote how I feel about this term in 2000. So much time has passed, I had thought this term had earned an honorary burial. It seems to be rising from the dead. Here’s why I dislike use of the term (taken from my original 2000...

Words of Affirmation

The other day I took one of those Facebook quizzes. I am never big on these quizzes, because they appear to be a bit of a hoax. The quiz I took this time, however, seemed to match my reality pretty closely. The name of the quiz was “What is Your Love Language?” It said my love language was words of affirmation. Before my husband’s illness he would tell me I was beautiful, and he would...