I Guess I Do

On how I do love my mother:

Given that it’s not healthy to be enmeshed with someone who does not respect any boundaries or possible to truly connect with someone who is not emotionally mature and developed enough to have a healthy intimacy, feeling the love has definitely been a challenge for me. On reflection, I do know that I…

• Often think in terms of what is best for her

• Think about creating her experience and good memories for holidays and special times

• Provide lots of opportunities for her to be with friends & family

• Help her maintain her relationships by sending photos, emails, letters for her

Those are loving ways of thinking. Those are not the motivations of a heartless, calculating miscreant.

I would so much prefer a loving connection. Hating takes effort.

In hating her I have less love and time and energy for myself. And I feel very conflicted.

I never knew I loved her. I never felt positive, tender, caring feelings for her. It occurs to me recently that I must—based on the decisions I make on her behalf.

One Response to “I Guess I Do”

1. Sharon says:

   May 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

   Love is a decision. It is not always warm fuzzy feelings. Love sometimes involves loving the unlovely. This does not mean one has to put up with abuse of course, and one must set boundries. I commend you for making decisions to love your Mom even when she is emotionally incapable of giving you all that you would like to receive or need from her.

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