Hi,
I’m Deanna and this is my story of care-giving.
My care-giving for Mom began about 20 years ago. She suffered from pulmonary embolism, fractured arms, wrists and hands here and there. Her balance was never great and she always managed to break something when I would take a vacation. I lived with her so I would take care of her during these times and try to keep a full time job when she would lose hers due to sickness or injury.
About 11 years ago, mom was starting to get laid off a series of new jobs. She would always make it to the probationary period of 90 days and then be let go. I chalked it up to ageism. Now I begin to wonder if it was dementia even then. After the fifth such job, I retired her early and told her I would support her. Enough was enough of these hits on her self esteem.
About a year later, I began to notice she wasn’t grasping explanations about things. I would try to explain how something simple worked or why a pet of ours was doing something and she would look at me blankly. I would have to usually repeat the explanation in several different ways before she would “get it.” And I noticed she was beginning to repeat herself several times in a short time span. I just figured this was also due to age.
As the years went by, she would go on trips with a senior group in our city and she would always come back saying she was having problems with this person or that person. And then she was having problems with the neighbors or a store clerk. I didn’t understand how anyone could have problems with my mom? She was one of the best and kindest people I knew.
And then about 5 years ago, she started having problems with me. I couldn’t understand why she would do some of the odd things she did, like putting the remote control in a kitchen drawer or tying up our dogs in the backyard when they normally run free. And she would go through my room which she always respected as my space and take my clothes or something. And she started telling me things she said I did or said, which I didn’t. Then the creditors started calling. She wasn’t paying her bills. I had to work hard to get her to make them out. She always insisted she had paid them.
I would fight horribly with her about going to the doctor. She refused and said I was the sick one. It was rough. My sister finally managed to get her to a doctor with me and it was suspected she had dementia. Lexapro was prescribed as well as aricept. The Aricept and Lexapro combination made her absolutely insane. She got paranoid and angry about everything. They took her off the aricept and she calmed down with a higher dose of lexapro.
About this time, my Aunt (who I will blog about later) and Sister were pressuring me to put her in assisted living. She was happy in her own home and I figured if I were here she was functional enough to continue to live with me. The doctor said she was okay to be at home alone while I worked so that was good enough for me. And if I took time away, she managed just fine. My brother and sister didn’t help me so a dear friend of mine would look in on mom when I needed to get away and act as standby for emergencies. This worked well up until last August. Something happened that sent mom on a trip to the river of no return…
I am going through a similar situation, where the Geriatric Psychologist prescribed Lexapro 10 mg and Aricept at the same time. My mother is also a dialysis patient too ,which adds to her depression. After several years of this doctor treating her for depression, he now states that she was miss diagnosed and now had dementia. I am looking into finding a second opinion.
I would like to have more information regarding this helping your aging realative blog.
Thanks, Vickie
Hi Vickie,
Thanks so much for sharing and for visiting our site. You are smart to get a second opinion.
You asked for more information… I’d be happy to give more information–what would you like to know?