It is Sunday morning. The sun is shining brightly, so hopefully it will turn out to be a nice day. It is about an hour and a half intil we have to leave for church, so I will see if I can write a few thoughts down before we leave. I find this very therapeutic to vent my thoughts and feelings. I think it also helps to sort things out in my head and heart.
Thurday night we went to my son’s family house for supper and the evening again, as we often do. Usually my mother-in-law and sister-in-law come also. It is always a joy to have this to look forward to each week and to interact with our grandkids who live near us. My husband doesn’t want to go away much, so this is good for him too. Thursday night we watched a movie together at their house. My husband was really laughing through the funny parts of the movie. It was good to hear.
Yesterday I had the honor of taking my mother-in-law to look for a wig. We did find a nice one! A wig the same style but one that more closely resembles her hair color is on order. Hopefully we can pick it up next Saturday. My mother-in-law will lose her beautiful white hair after chemo starts. No chemo date has been set yet for her, because they wanted her to get stronger first. It is getting high time they start though, as she is getting fluid on her stomach again. My heart aches with the fact that she will have to go through chemo at her age.
Last night I went to another local musical program with a friend. It was a variety of local groups or individuals presenting sacred numbers. It was very uplifting! This is my third concert in three weeks. Seems like we have a pattern going here. Afterwards I went to my friend’s house awhile and chatted. My friend (a different one than my church friend) was a caregiver for some time before her husband passed away a few years ago. So we too can relate on many levels.
My husband fell again the other night when getting up to go to the bathroom. He didn’t hurt himself, but I couldn’t sleep after that. I did some rearranging of things, and now I said he has to use the wheelcahair at night to get up to go to the bathroom. I’ll let him use the walker during the day yet for awhile. I’ll really need wisdom to know when to make the complete transition to wheelchair. I think the longer he can stay on his feet the better, but I do not want to push safety limits.
Lord, grant me wisdom. Grant me peace and comfort also. Sometimes my heart aches that I have to even be making such decisions. Grant me a blessed day in Your house today, Lord.
Hi Sharon–I hope your day was as beautiful as ours. The weather was absolutely perfect. I can smell blooming flowers through my open window. AHHH! That’s good…
One suggestion: Your husband’s doctor can order an evaluation for a physical and occupational therapist for your husband. The therapists could give suggestions on how to arrange the house and offer guidance on when the wheelchair may be necessary. If, after the evaluation, the therapists determine your husband is appropriate for their services, they would work with him on his balance, ambulation, and other areas. Let me know if you need more information about this. The evaluation is covered under Medicare and, often, under private insurance.
Wishing you a good night…
HI Sharon – the thing that cried out to me the loudest in your blog was the decision-making dilemma around transition to the wheelchair. Thank you , Denise, for your suggestion that the therapists offer guidance here. I hope Sharon received as great a sense of relief from this as I did, just reading about it.
I can appreciate your dilemma about when to do what. I’ve recognized for many years my tendency to maintain status quo, somehow believing that the last moment is eternally better than the next. However, I’m finding, in taking care of my mother, a Down’s syndrome brother and now a sister who underwent major back surgery, that being flexible gives better response. At one moment mom needs more attention than yesterday and less than the day before. Locking myself into a too rigid decision can even have the potential of being fatal (I nearly let that happen 9 years ago with my wife.) It is always good to get the advice of professionals and even well intended friends, but in the end you have to make the decision and take the action and that can be the scariest part. My best wishes to your stalwartness Sharon!
Jim Charles’s last blog post..Care giving can have cruel consequences!
Thanks, Jim, Your comments were the most helpful. I agree I have to be fluid in my discisons. That is why I transitioned to the wheel chair at night only decision. You are correct in saying that in the end I have to make the decision and take the next step. There is a certain lonliness in that, but I know my husband best after all. Also God has helped me so far, and He will help me in the future. I also have to learn to shift the helpful advice from the unhelpful advice of others.
We did do the physical therapy for several months in the past with my husband. Unfortuately after awhile they told me that my husband had reached a plataeu, and that there was no real value in us continuing to come. This is not to say that I would not or will not consider professional help in the future.