My mom was diagnosed with Dementia today. (Actually yesterday, it’s now the middle of the night, and I’ve had insomnia for 2 days) From what I can tell, she’s in the mild to moderate stages. We are going to see her Geriatric Psychiatrist later today for next steps.
I guess she has Functional Incontinence. That’s when you’re not fast enough or don’t understand that the sensation means you’re supposed to go to the loo.
I’ve been so beside myself today because she’s got stage #1 lesions (bedsores) and the doctor said she had to start taking 3 baths a week and we have to get the constant sitting in urine situation under control. I’ve been feeling like I have no influence over her behavior–she takes real baths maybe once a month, and I didn’t know what the options were beyond Depends for managing the urine.
I just read the gal’s comment (and instantly forgot her name) about a urinary catheter. Why the bleep didn’t my mom’s doctor mention that? He said he was gravely concerned about her living conditions–not as an affront to my commitment and skills–but with serious concerns. I have them too.
All day I’ve been thinking we need to move her back into assisted living–wait–actually a dementia care facility. And I’ve been so upset about it all–the financial outlays, the extra effort of managing and caregiving at 2 locations, the possibility that I’ll have to have a ‘real’ job and put my infant in daycare. Trying to conceive a 2nd child in all this mess. My husband maybe putting school on hold. Why the bleep didn’t he talk about catheterization?!!!
I looked up what I thought were all the treatment options–surgery, drug treatments, and more–OK I skimmed them out of my desperatation and distraction. And thought none would work and we’d be stuck in what just keeps getting worse and worse. (God, please take her…)
And, can you bleeping believe, she still blames this on me! We were talking this evening, and I asked if she understood what the doctor said today, and what it all means. How did she feel about her new diagnosis? She said, “…well, some people (implying me) can drive you to it.” Nice. Even in Dementia she is emotionally abusive. Nice.
So–I am heartened. Catheterization may work. Stage #1 is reversible. I can steam clean the carpets and buy a new recliner. Maybe there are drug treatments to slow her decline. My husband says we’re postponing the inevitable and we still need to be prepared for her transition. He’s right. But maybe we can buy a little bit more time.
Or maybe someone else could explain to her that she can’t live with us anymore. I’m sure it will just feel like we’re abandoning her and she won’t understand why it’s happening. Nice.
I just can’t believe this entire thing. This horrifying slow, painful, death process. There is no bottom.
Oh, I’m so sorry!
A catheter is an option, but there’s pros and cons with that, too. And, if she starts pulling it out… ARGH! It’s important to know this is an option, though, so you’re smart to investigate. I wish there was one simple, perfect answer.
Please know that the disease process is the enemy, it’s not you. It’s just not possible for your mom to understand this. That’s why it’s so important for you to know that the disease process is what you’re working against. And, that’s a tough, tough battle. You can understand for her. It’s okay that she doesn’t because you do.
Let’s take one day at a time. Let’s see what the psychiatrist recommends.
I believe in you. I believe in how much you love your mother, how much you want to do the right thing. Please don’t doubt that.
I am so sorry about your Mom and all you are going through. Take it one step and one minute at a time. You will know what to do when you need to know what to do.
I’ve never heard of using a catheter for a non-medical, convenience reason; but I’m a social worker, not a medical professional. You’re in a tough spot. Sounds like she’ll feel angry with you when the time comes and blame you for the placement even if someone else explains it to her. I’ve always found that people with dementia are hardest on the ones they love the most. You can’t forget to live your own life. If you’ve done as much as you can do, be proud of what you’ve done. You’ve already done far more than many people do.
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