Finding the Right Words to Ask for the Help You Need

Image by kandyjaxx via Flickr

You want help. You’ve been waiting for your siblings, your kids, your in-laws, your friends, anyone! to offer their help.

Unfortunately, you’ll wait forever if you’re waiting for others to offer help.

So, how do you ask?

Tell family and friends specifically how they can help. Often, other family members want to help, but just don’t understand how. Some ideas:

–Ask your brother to call your mother on a regular basis (but let him tell you what he can commit to. If it’s only every-other-week for 15 minutes, then that’s okay. Accepting his limitations will avoid disappointment–for your mother and for you.)

–Ask your daughter to help out with grocery shopping every week. Let her know you’ll e-mail her a list of groceries that your and your husband need.

–Ask your cousin to send your aunt a letter every week; explain to her how much your aunt looks forward to hearing from her.

–Ask your sister to provide respite care two days a month—her choice of days. If she feels uncomfortable providing the care herself, then let her know that an agency can provide the service—and tell her how much the service costs. Let her pay for the service and let the agency know that she is financially responsible. Then, let her know how much it means to you that you know she support you.

–Ask your son to research community options. Tell him you are looking for help to offset the costs of medications, provide transportation to the doctor and manage the insurance bills. Then, let him do the leg work for you.

–Ask your brother-in-law to spring for the cost of a monthly cleaning service. If you can keep your house in order, you may feel better about being in the house.

And, once you ask for help, be sure to receive, in whatever form it is delivered to you. Meaning, if someone completes a task or chore for you, and it’s not the way you would have done it—but it’s still done—let then it go. And, enjoy the time you have gained for yourself. That’s the most important benefit of having others help you.

What’s work for you? We’d love to know the words you use to ask for help.

Tags: Help, help a family caregiver