Strength

We don’t always have to be strong, to be strong. Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track. We all have days when we can’t push any harder, cannot hold back self doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong. There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally, we don’t want to get out of our...

Does Caregiving Cause Withdrawal?

Image by Cesar R. via Flickr About 10 years ago, when my website was three years old, I had regular conversations with a few organizations devoted to helping family caregivers. These organizations struggled to reach family caregivers. To explain their struggle, the organizations decided that family caregivers don’t “self-identify;” i.e., they don’t call themselves “caregivers,” so they...

Legislation Introduced to Improve Senior Services, Save Cents

Senators Maria Cantwell (D-WA) and Debbie Stabenow (D-MI),  and Representatives Bruce L. Braley (D-IA) and John Sarbanes (D-MD) introduced Project 2020: Building on the Promise of Home and Community-Based Services in their respective chambers late last night and this afternoon. The legislation, developed in a partnership between two leading national aging organizations—National Association of State Units on...

Ask Denise: How Do I Connect with Him?

(Editor’s Note: Once in awhile, we’ll share a past column of Ask Denise; this column originally appeared August 5, 2003.) Dear Denise, After ending a 15-year marriage to an alcoholic, and then losing my job, I was “invited” to move in with my 85-year-old dad in his 2 bedroom apartment. I also have a 13-year-old daughter. Since we needed a place to live as I could no longer afford the...

This Week, Write About What You Need

(Editor’s Note: On Wednesdays, we share a journaling tip as part of our series, Journaling 101. This is our eight tip.) You can recite, without really even thinking, the needs of your care recipient (personal care, socialization, activities, financial, transportation, medical). What do you need? Do you need more help with hands-on care?  Do you need more emotional support? Do you need a vacation? A weekend...

10 Steps to a Successful Caregiving Experience

Image by *SΛM via Flickr Because it can be so overwhelming, it can be hard to imagine life without it, without caregiving. But, caregiving is a finite experience. And, when it ends, you may find yourself coping in a new world with a new perspective. Life will look different after caregiving. You can prepare today for tomorrow; we’ve got some tips to help: 1. Get help—and receive help in whatever...

Upcoming Workshops Help Communities Age in Place

Innovators in Four Locations to Hold Discussions on Aging in Place throughout June with Grants Available for Innovative Community Ideas As part of a national movement to promote “Aging in Place” initiatives, four communities in America will be hosting workshops throughout the month of June, bringing local experts together for discussions aimed at helping older Americans remain in their...

what level of hell is this?

My friend Ben always asks this question in jest, and it’s hilarious when he says it. When I’m just fried like a hot potato, I like to make myself laugh, thinking of Ben saying this. But, seriously, today, WTF!!! Mom is still in ICU, on and off the non-invasive ventilator, having gotten off the ‘tubes’ yesterday. (or the day before? all the days run together…) I know she’s feeling...

One Day at a Time

It has been a few days since I wrote a blog. Last week Thursday night we had our weekly Thursday supper with my son’s family who lives near us. My husband used his wheelchair, and we used the ramp to get him into their house. I keep the ramp in the car, and my son had it all set up before I could go there to help. Thank You, Lord, for my son and his family. Last night my husband and I went to...

Risk

Take a risk that didn’t work? Like hiring a home health aide—who you care recipient hated? Or, asking your sister to help out—only to be shot down? After taking a risk that just doesn’t work out they way you hoped, you may feel foolish, or silly, or naïve. Keep in mind what’s important: You stepped out of your comfort zone in order to create what you wanted. Creating what you want only happens with risk....

Catchin’ Up!

Hey Guyz, sorry it’s been so long since I could repost. I hope everybody’s doing ok and finding some time also for their own health and batteries-recharging. I’m applying for an all-online graduate degree program in — get this, am I a glutton for punishment, or what — Gerontology, with Management of Aging Services Track! Crossing my fingers. I just feel like all my life experiences,...

Ask Denise: We Can Help, If They Would Only Let Us

Dear Denise, My grandfather had two heart attacks after fives years of angina and a previous heart attack within that five year period. He is going to be having a double by-pass very soon. He and my grandmother are in their 80′s and live alone in a little two-story house. Two of my aunts live near my grandparents and my third aunt  lives in the next state. My father lives across the country near my sister....

Create Your Caregiving Art

Image via Wikipedia What does Caregiving look like to you? Caregiving has its own energy and seems, at times, to take shape as the Elephant in the Room. It certainly seems to have its own personality; at times, crabby, other times, strong and sincere. So, draw, or paint, or sketch your portrait of Caregiving. Or, take a photo that represents what Caregiving looks like to you. Or, create a vision from...

This Week, Write About What Works

(Editor’s Note: On Wednesdays, we share a journaling tip as part of our series, Journaling 101. This is our seventh tip.) It’s hard to see all you do well, especially because so many losses accompany your caregiving experience. You are doing so much right: Advocating on your care recipient’s behalf, persistently seeking help, doing your best in all situations and circumstances. This week, write about...

A Ramp, Relating, and Rejuvenating

Up until now my husband has been getting in and out of my son’s family house with help from us and with a walker for our Thursday night suppers that we usually have at their house every week. Since my husband, Wayne, is transitioning to a wheelchair, I thought I needed to begin thinking about whether I could purchase some kind of portable ramp. I had been looking on the Internet for a ramp for my...

California Governor Proposes Elimination of Caregiver Support Programs

Please help save support programs for family caregivers in California! Budget Item 444-111-0001 Governor Schwarzenegger’s proposed revisions to the California State Budget will dramatically affect family caregivers. Families rely on critical support services to help keep loved ones with debilitating health conditions at home, out of expensive nursing homes. Those services will be eliminated. We need your help...

am I actually a slave?

Not a person? (For anyone of color, please forgive the slavery reference if it is a difficult subject, tho, remember, human slavery has happened throughout history in many cultures and still goes on today, even in the United States…abjectly horrifying) (For anyone else who may just generally be offended by my comparing Caregiving to slavery, please accept my apologies…I am not seeking to inflame, I just...

Such an insult

Hi – Mom was released from the hospital last night. The whole trip was so stupid. She just wouldn’t ride in my car to a follow-up doctor’s appointment, and insisted on going to the ER in an ambulance. I don’t necessarily know how it feels to be her, so I didn’t know if this was an ‘emergency’ or not. All I knew was she had to be seen about this volumous incontinence that...

Tell Us: Your Dreams for Your Future

Caregiving seems to put it all on hold–your friendships, your career, your daily desires. So much goes on hold each day that it’s hard to envision a future, much less your own future. This week, tell us your dreams for your future. Your dreams are so important; dreams are the voice of your gifts, your soul, your life purpose. Your dreams provide the bricks for the life you build for yourself. A...

Wind

Image by Getty Images via Daylife Which way will you let the wind blow? Will it blow north so that you face today and tomorrow, grateful for lessons learned, enthusiastic for new opportunities? Or, will it blow south so that you live in the past, fearful of what lies next and anxious about yesterday’s wrongs? Face north. You’ll hit storms, but you’ll see the stars and the rainbows. Face...

Ask Denise: How Much Is Fair?

Dear Denise, Would you help me? Dad just passed on March 2 at 99 1/2 years old! A week before he died in was in the Senior Games. He died of respiratory failure. I spent 20 years being responsible for him. The last seven months he lived with me. My two brothers never helped . As soon as Dad died they wanted whatever money was left over. I have not paid myself since June 07! While previously, I only paid myself...