Denise -
I wanted you to know that your suggestions of Don Miguel Ruiz and The Four Agreements began a wonderful spiritual journey for me. Thank you, so very much!!
I have recently become involved with Yoga and an “inversion table”….. continuing to fight for myself through this sibling war of who gets what and who’s in control when Mom’s still here…. it seems no one cares unless there is something in it for them. Also, when confronted with this constant attitude, it makes one react in kind – which is NOT cool and I do NOT think brings peace…. in lieu it brings ill health.
If you know how to combat this greed thing possessing all…. even me, in a war I have found myself in (only I don’t fight – I just ask for help and get none… not even for one day…) please let me know. You had suggested contact through email but one of my siblings finds this is her way to be Queen. It’s not at all helpful and I find myself only trying to be amenable to her. … because of this, I blocked her email and asked her to contact mother by phone or mail but not to go through me. I found myself being used as some sort of conduit for my sister’s self-serving goals in getting shipping charges for the furniture she wants…..
My brother, after 2.75 years of my solo caring for his mother, has not even picked up the telephone nor come by and he lives here. I saw him at the Post Office in town and when I asked him why he didn’t come by to see his mother at all … his response was “That’s life.”
I paint when I can – it’s hard when you have 37.5 acres to care for and a house in constant need of repair together with a mother who needs me to do EVERYTHING for her… and when I ask her to help – she purposely does things wrong so I won’t ask again. My mother has rheumatoid arthritis; osteoporosis; high blood pressure; and the worst…. FEAR of EVERYTHING…..
…. maybe I’m dumping… I’m sorry. I am trying to do this on my own. I’ll go for the inversion table this mid-day….
Thanks for listening.
Hi,
I’m so glad you enjoyed “The Four Agreements”! It’s such an easy read–but has so much to say. I’ve found it to be very helpful.
Totally understand the need to unload. I hope you feel a little lighter today.
Greed is a funny thing. I’ve often discovered that those who are most greedy are most lacking. Meaning, their greed stems from an emptiness they believe others (and things) should fill–rather than realizing that they themselves have the ability to live fully through their own power. The greedy can’t give because they worry so much about what they’ll get. That’s a sad way to live, isn’t it?
My suggestion to protect your mom’s estate is to see an elderlaw attorney ASAP. The attorney can ensure your mother’s planning now will prevent problems later. I’ve included a few book suggestions, below, which I think may be of help. You can search for an elderlaw attorney here: http://naela.org/
I think it’s great that you are concentrating on taking care of yourself. We included a great tip yesterday about taking care in our Tips section. I know you’ll find echoes what you’re already doing.
It’s great to set boundaries. I think the important lesson boundaries offer is this: We can have a relationship with difficult people in our lives as long as we have boundaries. Boundaries can be phrases we use, such as “I’m uncomfortable with the direction our conversation has taken. I’m hanging up now. I’ll call you in a few days to work this out with you.” It also could be setting clear expectations: “I think it’s important to e-mail you with regular updates on how Mom is doing. Caregiving is so much harder that I ever thought. I find myself feeling lonely and overwhelmed fairly often. I want you to know how Mom is doing. I also would love positive encouragement from you. But, if that’s not possible, no need to reply to my messages.”
Finally, it’s okay to look for help from others other than family members. It would be great if they helped, but if they won’t…well, they won’t. You deserve help, so check with the agencies in your area (Area Agency on Aging, United Way, Easter Seals, other social service organizations) to find out about programs and services that can.
Keep in touch. Hope the inversion helped. 
