Dear Denise,
I came across your website looking for some help for my mother-in-law’s niece, Alice.
Alice’s mother, 79, died on May 30, 2009. Now Alice must care for her 85-year-old father. He is very difficult and stubborn and physically hard to handle. He won’t go to the doctor because he says Alice wants the doctor to poison him. He cusses and is verbally abusive too.
Her sisters won’t help. What can she do to get him to the doctor? He behaves better when company is around, but misbehaves around her.
Where can I guide her for help?
Hi,
Thanks so much for writing–I’ll do my best to help.
I think the key is that Alice’s father responds better to others. That’s very common, although still so frustrating for Alice. So, who can influence her father in a positive way? Perhaps a pastor (or rabbi), family friend, or neighbor whom her father respects can assist by going with him to the doctor. My other suggestion is for Alice to contact his doctor and ask for suggestions. Can they recommend a physician who makes housecalls? What options can they offer to make sure her father sees a physician?
It also may be easier to find a way to get him help without actually going to the doctor. For instance, the local senior center may be an option. Sometimes, a senior center has a physician assistant or registered nurse regularly visiting the center who offer wellness check-ups with seniors. And, her local church or synagogue may have a parish nurse program. Parish nurse programs are great in that the nurses will make home visits. She also can call the local Area Agency on Aging (call ) and ask the staff also may have ideas.
“Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for Stressed-Out Children” by Grace Lebow and Barbara Kane, with Irwin Lebow is a book that may be helpful for Alice.
