It is a beautiful autumn day here as I write my blog. How did the summer past so quickly? We had so many cool summer days that it feels as if we really didn’t have summer this year. Our autumn season is usually nice here, however, so perhaps we will still have many nice days yet this year.
Caregiving like the weather always has its ups and downs. Some days feel stormy, and on those days I feel I can’t do it anymore. On other days life tends to take on a certain rhythm and pattern and is workable. Life always tends to be a mixture of joys and sorrows. I am joyful in my faith and in my relationship with my Lord. I am thankful that I know He is always with me. It is difficult living with the reality of my husband’s disease, however. I am happy that the struggles of life are making me stronger in my character, in my faith, and as a person. I struggle with the fact, however, that it sometimes has to be so emotionally exhausting, and I wonder why life has to be so difficult.
I am happy with the fact that my husband seems to be gaining much more physical strength through his therapy. I mourn the fact, however, that his balance issues remain and that he is beginning to hang to the side more when sitting in his wheelchair. I find joy in the times we spend with our grandchildren and our enjoyable times with family. My joys are definitely better because of the sorrows.
I do weary of being responsible for so many decisions, however. When we bought a different vehicle this summer, I did all the talking and dealing. When there are telephone calls to be made or problems to be solved it is I who has to take charge. Soon we will have some major insurance issues to consider. That will be mainly my responsibility.
We may have a chance to move from our apartment to a condo. There is a condo maybe in our price range available, but all the things to think about in regard to such a possibility are a bit overwhelming. I love the good times my husband and I still have together, but I miss the way things used to be. I miss the times when my husband took more responsibility for these type things and decisions. I miss the person my husband used to be. Lord, help me choose joy and gratitude today. Continue to direct my path, as You have in the past.
Hi Sharon–Thanks so much for posting this. A few followers on Twitter shared and said: This is how I feel. I’m so glad you open up to us–it helps others do the same. I hope you have a sunny and warm day today, which helps you focus on joy and gratitude. I’m very grateful for you.
wow…you most definately are an inspiration. I am so happy that I read this piece. With all the stress you are under you still are able to keep the song in your heart and focus on the good things in life. Caregiving is most definately an emotional roller coaster where we all have to ask god to give us a sign we are going to be ok……thanks for this wonderful post to your blog