Last night, Joe Skillin joined us for our monthly book club discussion; his book, “Confessions of a Caregiver, When Alzheimer’s Come to Your House,” was our September pick. (You can listen to the show on the player at the end of this post.)
During our discussion, we spoke about any worries Joe might have had about disclosing too much personal “stuff” in his book. His book, he said, actually started as a result of one-page notes he kept to himself for about two years. A friend prompted him to write a book, which he showed his wife after the final manuscript was created.
His wife’s reaction—surprise at the level of negative emotions—gave him pause. If he had to do it over, he said, he would have been more honest with his wife about the impact on him of caring for her mother.
Because, he said, withholding his feelings, not matter how negative or awful, is holding back on his self. When we hold back our self, he said, we hold back our love.
So true! Holding back also holds back any possibility between two people to change, grow, solve and resolve.
I wonder: What truth are you withholding? Tell us here; we’ll help you voice it so you give yourself (and your love) fully.
When I was caring for my late husband and his pain was agonizing and his “self” was disappearing, I often prayed for him to go gently in his sleep. He did, with me sitting on his bed, holding his hand and telling him it was okay to go.
Hi Ann–I hope you felt better telling us! That’s such a beautiful wish–that his ending bring him peace–and it’s wonderful you were able to see that wish come true. I hope this brings you peace, as well.