Choosing Our Time

It’s Seminar Season (seminar requests seem to fall in autumn and spring), so I’ve been lucky enough to meet with family caregivers as I present topics of interest to them. My message to family caregivers has grown over the years from taking care to taking care to make good choices.

I learned this during a presentation a few years ago. During the session, we spoke about how and why to form of team that can help. We created lists of who they’d like on their team, what responsibilities they’d like them to handle and what role they would play on their teams. I asked for feedback as we created these lists to make sure attendees were all on the same page. At one point, an attendee spoke up: When I look at these lists, she said, I think it’s more for me to do. It becomes overwhelming to me.

I asked her to pinpoint an area that seems particularly overwhelming. Well, she said, I would like to spend more time on my hobbies and interests (painting and yoga), but I just don’t see how I can do that.

How could you free up five minutes on a Saturday to spend on your painting? I asked.

I’d have to leave my care recipient, she answered.

How does it feel to do that, I asked.

I feel terrible and guilty, she said, almost in tears.

Ah, I said. Then you are spending your time just as you want. Your choice is to spend time with your care recipient and let the hobbies go for now–they’ll be there for you when you’re ready. That’s your choice and it sounds like a good one for you.

You could see the relief on your face. She sat straighter in her chair. Okay, she said. Thank you.

We hear so much from experts and professionals who tell us how to spend our days. Family caregivers regularly hear from us professionals about the importance of breaks, of taking time for themselves. This is true, but, at times, it’s not nearly as important as spending time with a very important person who may have very limited time left with us.

It’s our time. It’s our choice. Choosing to spend time wisely today nets amazing investments for our own future.

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Join me on Tuesday, October 27, from 9 a.m. until 11 a.m. for a discussion of The Caregiving Years at Alden Valley Ridge, located at 275 East Army Trail Rd. in Bloomingdale, Ill. The flyer has details.