I began the hobby of journaling way back in January of 2005 and I am so incredibly happy that I did. I wish I had thought to do it earlier in my life. I have not missed one day in almost five years.
I will admit, some of the days are very mundane stories of chores and errands. There are some wonderful memories of my son’s prom and high school graduation, etc, and of course there are sad stories like the ones that filled the pages with my thoughts while with my dear Aunt during her last days.
I wish my Mother and my Aunt had thought to write down how they spent their days..I would have loved reading all about that. I so want to leave a little piece of my life behind when I’m gone. This is my story.
There are power in words and maybe somewhere down the road someone will pick it up and learn about me and maybe I will inspire someone with my story. I want people to read that some days are sad, life unfortunately has some unhappy endings.
Life is not always happily ever after but we can make those suffering a little happier through our words and actions. Each and every one of us has a story. Denise had invited me to speak on her blogtalkradio show a few weeks ago. The topic that day was fear.
I explained to her that I’m not fearful of taking care of my mother. I’m confident that I can pretty much handle most things that could possibly come my way. I don’t believe in putting the worries of tomorrow before today but if I had to choose something I fear my ending.
I believe once we leave this earth life will once again be beautiful so that helps me when I’m feeling scared. I have sadly said so many good-byes through sickness which is one of the reasons I do feel fearful. My poor dad died of pancreatic cancer two months after my wedding, my father-in-law died of prostate cancer, my Aunt passed away with leukemia.
It’s ok to surrender and tell people that at times this crosses my mind. Those feelings are also in my journal to be read by someone who also may fear that themselves.
I suppose now while writing that maybe I’m thinking of these sad moments as unhappy endings but perhaps I should be calling them new beginnings. All those wonderful people are up there having a great time together and maybe it was I who felt the story had a sad ending.
Whatever the truth for now I so look forward to opening the book and taking out my pen and writing my experiences of the day. My thoughts, my feelings, my words, my story, my happy times and my sad times. The happenings of today will one day be history for someone else to read.
With the new year quickly approaching think about buying a pretty journal and pen and optimistically look forward to all those beautiful white pages facing you. Just think what impressions your ink will have not only on the page but on the ones left behind that will read your incredible life story one day.
We caregivers have so many words to say and write. Write about your experiences today both good and sad. I have old white pages filled with blue splotches of love, laughter, family, good times and that is what I look forward to when opening tomorrows page but its ok to be honest and tell the story of the stress as well.
I hope your week of pearly white pages will turn out being filled with many blue splotches of happy times for your loved ones to one day remember!!
