Many years ago, a member of one of our online support groups regularly reminded the group members: Life is for the living.
In caregiving, you sometimes feel stuck between life and death. How do you go about life when death and decline won’t go away?
Last night, during The History Channel’s “WWII in HD,” we saw how Londoners managed life during WWII, when bombings became a normal part of living. The Blitz (sustained German bombing) occurred from September 7, 1940 until May 10, 1941, with smaller attacks continuing until the war ended.
We saw footage of London devastation—lives lost, homes ruined, a city rubbled. But, we also saw footage of Londoners walking around the wreckage to go about their days: shopping, sending children to school, even attending a dance.
They never stopped living, even as death and destruction surrounded them.
For you, caregiving can seem like another kind of blitz; you get bombed and bombarded by bad news, unsuccessful treatments, continual losses, sadness.
And, so during the bombings, you may catch yourself thinking: “I’d better pass on that bit of fun. Our life is just not so good right now.” You may think enjoying life means disrespecting the seriousness of your life.
Au contraire.
You sacrifice so much. Don’t sacrifice a moment to laugh or to dance or to simply smile. These are moments given to you, just for you. Take them. And, then share them. If the Londoners could do it, you can, too.
How true! Good article.
This article has changed me from a no person to a yes person again. This article is so me. I was so serious that I even changed my answering machine from a very happy go lucky message with horses whinnying hello, to a very serious message. Someone asks me out, I’m going. Mom can get into a snit as much as she wants. That too will pass.
Bravo Linda….
I have written in one of my blogs somewhere that we must still have a life once this job is over and done with. We also must establish a life while doing this very important job and all jobs require some away time. You are not disrespecting your mom one bit by going out once in a while and having fun. It makes me feel badly sometimes to leave my Mother but it must be done from time to time. Post us when you do go out and give us all the fun details
Denise this was a wonderful post!!..It really helps people feel that it is ok to leave the chaos for a while. We must take care of ourselves in order to be good caregivers to others…..
“How do you go about life when death and decline won’t go away?”
This is something I have been struggling with over the last year. I hear about my friends going out and having fun, maybe getting married, maybe having kids…and I’m here with my disabled grandmother, completely isolated and reminded every second of death and decline. (And then I feel guilty for even thinking that way!) It has worn on me for months and I’ve only been able to recognize it as this, recently. Just being able to put words to it helps to overcome it.
I might go sit in the car and listen to an audiobook today. I know that doesn’t sound THAT fun, but I’ll take what I can get at the moment!
Miss R´s last blog ..The Age Of Invisibility by Eissa Stein