Image by Hamed Saber via Flickr
When you hit the pillow at 10 p.m. last night, you thought: I hope tomorrow will be better.
But, tonight, at 12:30 a.m., you think: This starting over every day is just killing me.
We often talk about the constant of caregiving—change. With change, comes its sister: Starting Over. Every day, you may feel like you’re starting over. You start over with different services as your care recipient’s health declines, as help burns-out and disappears, as your care recipient’s abilities lessen, as your patience wears thin, as funding for the programs you use dries up. Just when you feel like you’ve made progress, a change causes you to start over. It’s like yesterday’s accomplishments and successes were simply a dream.
So, how can you stay positive when starting over drains you faster than a family member’s insensitivity? We’ve got 10 suggestions:
1. Start your day with a routine that refreshes. Donna Ryan, one of our bloggers, starts her day with time for reflection. Other family caregivers start their day with a few moments to journal. Others start their day with prayer or meditation or devotion. Create a ritual that’s just right for you, that helps you find and keep your perspective. (We’ve recorded meditations for you; you can listen to them here.)
2. Live in the present. Fretting about the past and worrying about the future takes you out of what you can control: Today. Take one day at at time, focusing on today’s needs, planting seeds for tomorrow’s.
3. Express frustrations to a comforting support system. Caregiving can be so lonely, but it’s awful when you feel you must go it alone. Vent to a comforting support system that neither judges or “should’s” you. Let it out so you let it go. (You can learn about our online support groups here.)
4. Really and truly embrace forgiveness. Our talk show on forgiveness last week really convinced me that forgiveness must be part of our daily routine. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.)
5. Take a daily temperature of your situation by asking these two questions: Do I have what I need? Does my care recipient have what he or she needs? Then, take action.
6. End the day by listing three gratitudes. Count your blessings because that’s how your blessings count. And, when you keep track, you keep building the blessings.
7. Practice your faith, whatever your faith may be. Faith in a Higher Power who has called you to a Greater Good adds meaning to an experience that spurs more questions than answers.
8. Enjoy the humor in the day. It’s funny. When it is, laugh. When you laugh, you show appreciation for an incredible gift we’re given: A sense of humor. Exercise it. (We share caregiving guffaws on Fridays; you can read them here.)
9. Keep in mind: This too shall pass. Oh, boy, it can seem like loss and darkness has settled in your home permanently. They may overstay their welcome, but they will be replaced by growth and light. They will.
10. Believe in yourself. It keeps everyone else believing. And, on those days when you just can’t believe all that’s happened or believe in your ability to manage it, know we believe in you. And, we don’t ever stop.
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Good suggestions. Thanks, Denise, for this website.
A great way to start every day is to do something for yourself. No matter what time I go to bed, I akways get up at least one hour before my Dad wakes up so I have time for me and only me. It really makes a difference.
I agree William. I am always up 1 to 2 hours before I get I tend to mom. I do the “prep” time of her breakfast, dishes, always some computer time, and listen to news and have that first coffee. Got to have that time before I am focused on mom for the day.
ok clarification….before I tend to mom lol
.-= Donna Webb´s last blog ..It’s That Most Wonderful Time of the Year? =-.
I love this list – thank you. I wanted to share something humerous tonight: My mother is the only one in our family that likes marshmallow peeps. She got some for Easter and I’ve been offering her one each day since Sunday. Today, I offered and gave her a ‘peep’ and left the room. When I came back (literally moments later) she said look at that!–they’re all gone (there were nine left in the package)–she was so surprised, how could they be all gone?
That was this afternoon and it’s 9:00 now – she’s not sick, so that’s a good thing. And, I learned to not leave food she’s not suppose to eat behind!