Denise asked us recently to share our most bizarre care giving experiences. I don’t know if it is bizarre or just heartbreaking, but I helped my husband for the first time today with his bath. We were running late for an appointment, and he asked me to help him. He has a shower bench, and he usually can maneuver himself from his raised toilet seat with handles to his shower bench. Although he has been taking his showers by himself up until now, I have lately started to question how good a job he is doing. He said he just needed help showering this time because of the shortness of time, but I wonder how long it will be before he needs me to do this for him all the time.
I do not mind doing this for him, but it just seems symbolic of another step backwards. How far we have come from him being our family primary breadwinner, my best friend, my lover, and my husband. He is still my husband, but how different our roles are now. How could our lives have gone from “normal” to wheelchairs, incontinence products, and immobility in just a few years?
I resolved at the beginning of this year to look for the blessings and to also look for the faithfulness of my God in my life. I resolved not to stress so much. I am making a conscious effort to do this. I do see the blessings and faithfulness of my God. In spite of it not being a great day, I recognize blessings in my day even today. I really do, but these sad feelings still are there for what is no longer there.
This coupled with the news of our son loosing his job today has made me feel rather sad tonight. Trying times especially when they come in bunches are difficult to understand. I am glad I know life has purpose and that my God is in control, or I couldn’t go on.
But how does one deal with these sad feelings?
Hi Sharon–Oh, I’m so sorry. What a tough day. I’m so glad you told us about your husband and your son–I think the telling is a start to dealing with the sadness. The hard part about sadness, I think, is that it can really last. Ugh! So, please know that you are loved, that we will wipe your tears, that we will keep the faith with you that blessings continue to come every day. Let us know how you are tomorrow…
I sure can relate to your sadness, and it’s difficult to pull yourself out of it. I turned to my computer and played scrabble, and other games, when my husband didn’t need me at that moment. It didn’t make me happy but it allow me to cope somewhat and relieve some of the stress. Been where you are it’s not easy.
Thanks, Denise and Linda, I appreciate your kind comments.
Today was a quiet and rather uneventful day-kind of nice actually. We are getting a lot of snow today. It was pretty watching the snow come down. I am listening to some of my favorite music Cds tonight. The words of the songs are a great comfort. It is fun watching the results of the contest coming in, Denise.
Sharon…your story once again touched my heart. My husband is my life and I cannot imagine what this must be like to be going through. You truly are a very special person. You somehow find a way to brighten everyones day. I hope you know each night when you put your head on your pillow to finally attempt some rest that you can feel contentment in the fact that you always make positive choices and that your presence is making the world a nicer place to be. I wish I could comfort you with more than words. You are a special person…you truly are a gift!! I pray your son finds another job soon..keep us posted….
Hi Sharon–It sounds like you giving yourself yourself just what you need. And, perhaps Mother Nature cooperated, giving you time to just be. I’m also enjoying the voting–it is fun.
Once again thanks, ladies, for your kind comments.
Sharon, I am so sorry for what you are experiencing. How do you deal with the sadness? That’s a tough one. In my case, my person is my mother, not a spouse. However, I started doing activities that have nothing to do with caregiving. That helps considerably. Give yourself a hug from me!
Thanks Lavie, for your comments. I do try to do other acitivites besides caregiving. That does help a lot. I always take some time for myself in the morning also-mostly doing my devotions.