Liz has a debate going on in her head and a torment going on in her heart.
It’s been a bad day. And, not for any particular reason that Liz can pinpoint. It could be that her youngest will turn 10 soon. Or that next week her mom will be living with them for three years. Or that her husband will leave for another week-long business trip in a few days. Or it could be all three.
It’s been a day that’s kept her eyes full of tears.
Now, it’s 7 p.m. Liz should leave for her book club meeting in a few moments. She loves her monthly book club meeting; she usually can’t wait to leave. But, leaving for a book club means opening up the possibility that the very nice librarian who runs the book club will say: “Liz, is everything okay?”
How in the world do I respond without just sobbing, Liz thinks.
On those bad days, do you stay in? Take a chance and go out?
A few suggestions as you consider what’s best for you:
1. Sometimes, a change of scenery can make a huge difference. The act of getting ready—a shower and fresh clothes—can help.
2. Focusing on another task or responsibility can take your mind off your sadness. And, sometimes, it’s a nice break to think about something else.
3. The worry over how to answer the simple question, “Are you okay?”, may make you think twice about leaving the house. Having a ready answer may help you feel like you can be in control. “I’m struggling today,” you can explain, “but I want to take my mind off that and it’s important for me to be here.” Then, take a deep breath and say, “Thank you. I’m feeling better already.” (Our series of articles, “Getting Out and Socializing” has more ideas about answering questions about caregiving.)
4. Call a good friend. Let it out. Explain that you have an important engagement you’d like to attend but you’re not feeling up to it. Then, just talk it out.
5. Write it out. Write that you don’t feel well, that you worry about crying in front others, that you want to take some time for yourself and enjoy it but can’t convince yourself it’s possible. Write out the pros and cons of leaving the house. Sometimes, the pen can provide a perspective.
6. Consider: Tomorrow, what will you wish you would have done today? Thinking into your future can sometimes propel you forward in your present.
7. Allow yourself the freedom to go and then return home if it’s all just too much. If it does become too much, you can simply say, “I’m having a bad day today. I love being here which is why I came. But, I think I would do better at home. Thanks for understanding.” Leaving is absolutely okay. You know what’s best for you.
What other suggestions can you offer? And, how do you manage your bad days?
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Wow! This entry was timed perfectly. I am having one of those bad caregiving days. Unfortunately, going out is not an option for me. I have a relief sitter, but only for 20 hours a week. On the difficult days, I simply escape to the computer and focus on work-related tasks, read blogs, or escape into a 3D metaverse.
Hey Lavie! I went to your blogsite to read your posts and felt like I was reading my life for the last 4 years! There are some real similarities between our caregiving situations! Anyhow, I wanted to leave comments after some of your posts, but there wasn’t anywhere to do that? Let me know where I can leave you comments ok? Donna
.-= Donna Webb´s last blog ..Squeezing The Most Out of the "Me Minutes" =-.
Donna, Hi! I fixed it so that comments can now be left.
.-= Lavie D.´s last blog ..It’s True – Caregivers are isolated =-.
Hi Lavie! I have left a couple comments but you have to approve them, go to your email, comments should be there for you to ok.
.-= Donna Webb´s last blog ..Squeezing The Most Out of the "Me Minutes" =-.
Great advice, and a vey good article. Thank you for these points.