Today on Your Caregiving Journey, Bette Scott, one of our Caregiver of the Year award winners, joined us for a discussion about caring for her mom while raising three children. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.)
During our discussion, Bette shared two goals she has for 2010:
1. Leaving the house to enjoy time with her husband and her children without taking along the guilt of leaving her mom with respite care
2. Taking horseback riding lessons, a hobby she loved when she was younger.
Bette also shared her plan as she works to leave behind the guilt: When she leaves, she’ll tell herself that she can take care of whatever happens while she’s gone when she returns. Her desire—to enjoy the time she has with her husband and her kids—will become her focus while she’s out.
Her goals are terrific–ones that we all can embrace to make our own. So, share your thoughts in our comments section: What can you do to leave the guilt behind? And, what one hobby that you loved can you integrate back into your life?
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I agree every caregiver needs respite care…..and at that time to leave the huge guilt behind to be able to focus on your special time away. It can be easier said than done!
Our family members need us “back” when we are together so I think it is great that Bette is concentrating on this!
I have taken care of my mom & dad for the past almost 10 years(my dad died 1 year ago) and now I must relinquise that responsiblity due to her inability to stay alone while I work. At her last hospitalization, she was diagnosed with an agressive lymphoma which due to her heart health , agressive treatment can not be done. I have huge guilt feelings about placement in nursing home but at the same time I know she is being well cared for. How do you walk away without the guilt when she appears fine and is extremely angry with me about where she is?
Terri,
I am so sorry that you had to face that decision. That is one of my biggest worries – the day (when and if) my mother has to go to a nursing home. Obviously, in your case, she cannot be left alone while you work, so you needed to find her care. Is the nursing home near to you? Can you take her out? I was just thinking for you and her, maybe little things to look forward to 2 or 3 times a week (going for ice-cream, a ride, out to dinner, bingo at the nursing home with her…) would help you and her. Again, I am sorry. You are a kind daughter for all of your concern for her. There are many people that do not give their parents the thoughts that they so deserve. (:
Oh Geez, I have a little over a week before I leave for 4 days. I have not been anywhere in over a year. I was gone for 5 days then. I am feeling guilty and I haven’t even begun to pack. This morning I was counting my moms meds to make sure she had enough while I was gone and for a week after, just in case. I’ve been thinking of everything I need to do before I go. I have not been anywhere with both of my boys in over 10 years, we deserve this time together. I just have to keep talking to me, telling me I deserve this, I need this. I hope I don’t change my mind.
Hi Lillie,
I can really relate to what you’re talking about. You are right though, you do deserve to go. I have been wondering why I don’t feel like I am entitled to being happy, but want others to be…maybe self-esteem and guilt go hand in hand…not sure.
It helps me at this point to remember that by going, I actually come back stronger and more refreshed, which actually is better for my mother. I am hoping this thought will help me, while I practice doing some things outside of caregiving. You have the pills ready, the back up pills, and I’m sure someone available for your mom, sounds like you are ready! You and your boys do deserve to have fun together! Have a nice time away!!
Lillie,
Don’t change your mind about leaving. You need this time away with your family, and your family needs it too. It will even be good for your Mom in the long run.
I have dealt with the guilt of going somewhere even for a short time. Like no one can tend to mom but me, which is not the case. Or like she is only my responsibility, wrong again. I realized after some time that if I didn’t get away even for a couple hours as often as I could, burnout was coming. I was in fact a better caregiver for mom when I escaped! Then our once a year excursions, have been helpful but only in a small way. It does me more good to stick to the smaller times away, like church, and choir practice or shopping. I don’t deal with the guilt anymore thank goodness, but it took probably 2 to 3 years before I got to that point of allowing myself a guilt free time away for anything.
.-= Donna W´s last blog ..Drool…….. =-.