Making New Rules for Life

We had short show today covering an important topic: Who (or what) rules you? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.)

For me, I have two rules that seem to dictate my day:

• I am a good daughter if (I attend all family functions, do exactly as my parents say, put my parents’ priorities for me first).

• I have to work hard to get people to love me.

Now, when these rules are written or spoken, they sound just crazy. But, in my head, they make perfect sense.

To change those rules, I’ll consider:

1. How fair are these rules? (Not fair at all! With Rule No. 1, I’m living my parents’ life, not mine. With Rule No. 2, I’m selling myself short.)

2. How well do they serve me? (They may have served me once, but no longer. For instance, I have my formed these rules as a way to explain situations that caused pain and hurt. Now, I’m ready to live without explanations.)

3. How do they honor who I am? (They don’t.)

So, new rules for me can be:

• I am a good daughter.

• I am easy to love.

These new rules are fair while honoring and serving me.

In our poll, you told us that a common rule for you is:

• So many depend on me–I must stay strong.

A new rule may be:

• I stay strong by giving and receiving in equal amounts.

So, we’d love to know. What’s a rule you’d like to re-write? And, what’s your new rule?

Resources

Write Your Caregiving Mission Statement

The Three Be’s of Caregiving