Oh, you want your care recipient to take the initiative, to be more proactive in treatments and therapies. But, oh, it can seem like pulling teeth. And, then, it just feels like nagging. Becky Lowry, RN, My Health Care Manager, joined us yesterday on Your Caregiving Journey to answer the question, “Do I have to nag my care recipient?” (You can listen to the show via the player at the bottom of the post.)
Becky and I began the discussion with tips to use if your care recipient has a cognitive impairment:
1. For persons with cognitive impairment, offer a choice to minimize your feeling of being a nag. The choice is not whether he or she takes medications, for instance, but when and how.
2. Develop consistency with a routine, creating a schedule, with their help, you post for both of you to reference.
3. Ask yourself: How important is this? Pick your battles–it’s a sanity saver for both of you.
4. Create diversions, eliminate distractions, then go back to your task (i.e., administering meditation).
For care recipients who do not have a cognitive impairment, Becky offered these suggestions to help minimize the feeling that you nag:
1. Sell the benefits and discuss the consequences of treatments with your care recipient to help with motivation.
2. Keep in mind: A long journey begins with small steps. Build on your small successes to create momentum.
3. Ask your care recipient: “When you forget to take your medication, how would you like me to handle?” Having a discussion can take away the dreaded assumptions.
4. As you navigate these unchartered waters, focus on this goal: Maintaining as much independence as possible for both of you.
We’d love to hear your tips: How do you motivate your care recipient?
This radio show and article are very good. I haven’t heard any responses to Denise’s requests for motivational tips to get one’s loved one to do things that our good for their health on their own initiative as much as possible. Any ideas?
I have notecards around the house with daily and weekly activities that need to be accomplished. It has helped some. Daily and weekly things may not get done due to Paul feeling too bad to do a simple daily activity. He gets upset that he isn’t able to do things some days or that he just forgot. My grandmother told me when my children were very young that if I didn’t keep the house spotless or wash a dish every time it got dirty, that all of that would be waiting on me. However, spending time with my children was more important and would not wait on me. If I did not take the opportunity when I had it, it would be gone and I would never be able to take that opportunity again. Dishes would still be there however, waiting on me!
The man I met and married only a few years ago is being taken from me—way too soon. However, it’s more important that the moments we have quality moments. The quantity is being taken away from us, but we have the control over the quality. We as caregivers/women/mothers try to shield and protect our loved ones from any thing that might be difficult. We feel if we work hard enough we can make every thing ok. This is not something we can “fix” or “control”. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to do so. Life is not perfect and we can not control it. God gives us situations that make us a better person; how we handle it is up to us. We can not protect our loved one from the pain and I don’t think we should try. We can not shield them from spending a few moments with friends, no matter how difficult it may be.
It’s difficult sometimes to take Paul out in public as I never know what he may say. But I do any way and I just explain to people and hope they understand. If they don’t that is their problem, not mine.
I try and offer gentle reminders and always end with “I love you and I am glad you are in my life”.
I actually had a chance to use this advice (when you ____, how would you like me to handle it) just this morning.
With my Dad’s daily care routine, there are several thing I need to do before he gets out of bed. These past few days, he has been waking up earlier than normal and as soon as his eyes are open, he wants to get out of bed. Although I can usually handle this pretty smoothly, this morning he was just not having any part of it.
As I saw him getting frustrated, I stopped for a second, smiled at him (never condescending – he can tell), and said “sure Dad, you can get up and sit in your chair. But if you do that, how will I do all the things I have to do to keep you happy, healthy and safe? I then recited a partial list. He thought about it for a second and agreed to slow down.
It must be so hard for him. Here is a man that spent almost 80 years waking up in a great mood every morning and as soon as his feet hit the floor he was off and running. Now, even though his mind tells him he can still do this, his body is a different matter. When he has a difficult time with his morning routine, I engage him, getting him to tell me stories. If that doesn’t work, I pop in a Big Band Era CD to distract him and make the time go by quicker.
Asking the question “how would you like me to___ or what would you like me to do when” are the best starting points to avoid the nagging.