Comments on: Must I Nag? http://www.caregiving.com/2010/01/must-i-nag/ Insights ~ Information ~ Inspirations Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:43:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: William Ward http://www.caregiving.com/2010/01/must-i-nag/comment-page-1/#comment-22842 William Ward Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:12:55 +0000 http://www.caregiving.com/?p=4170#comment-22842 I actually had a chance to use this advice (when you ____, how would you like me to handle it) just this morning. With my Dad's daily care routine, there are several thing I need to do before he gets out of bed. These past few days, he has been waking up earlier than normal and as soon as his eyes are open, he wants to get out of bed. Although I can usually handle this pretty smoothly, this morning he was just not having any part of it. As I saw him getting frustrated, I stopped for a second, smiled at him (never condescending - he can tell), and said "sure Dad, you can get up and sit in your chair. But if you do that, how will I do all the things I have to do to keep you happy, healthy and safe? I then recited a partial list. He thought about it for a second and agreed to slow down. It must be so hard for him. Here is a man that spent almost 80 years waking up in a great mood every morning and as soon as his feet hit the floor he was off and running. Now, even though his mind tells him he can still do this, his body is a different matter. When he has a difficult time with his morning routine, I engage him, getting him to tell me stories. If that doesn't work, I pop in a Big Band Era CD to distract him and make the time go by quicker. Asking the question "how would you like me to___ or what would you like me to do when" are the best starting points to avoid the nagging. I actually had a chance to use this advice (when you ____, how would you like me to handle it) just this morning.

With my Dad’s daily care routine, there are several thing I need to do before he gets out of bed. These past few days, he has been waking up earlier than normal and as soon as his eyes are open, he wants to get out of bed. Although I can usually handle this pretty smoothly, this morning he was just not having any part of it.

As I saw him getting frustrated, I stopped for a second, smiled at him (never condescending – he can tell), and said “sure Dad, you can get up and sit in your chair. But if you do that, how will I do all the things I have to do to keep you happy, healthy and safe? I then recited a partial list. He thought about it for a second and agreed to slow down.

It must be so hard for him. Here is a man that spent almost 80 years waking up in a great mood every morning and as soon as his feet hit the floor he was off and running. Now, even though his mind tells him he can still do this, his body is a different matter. When he has a difficult time with his morning routine, I engage him, getting him to tell me stories. If that doesn’t work, I pop in a Big Band Era CD to distract him and make the time go by quicker.

Asking the question “how would you like me to___ or what would you like me to do when” are the best starting points to avoid the nagging.

]]> By: AnneMarie http://www.caregiving.com/2010/01/must-i-nag/comment-page-1/#comment-21779 AnneMarie Sun, 03 Jan 2010 14:36:59 +0000 http://www.caregiving.com/?p=4170#comment-21779 I have notecards around the house with daily and weekly activities that need to be accomplished. It has helped some. Daily and weekly things may not get done due to Paul feeling too bad to do a simple daily activity. He gets upset that he isn't able to do things some days or that he just forgot. My grandmother told me when my children were very young that if I didn't keep the house spotless or wash a dish every time it got dirty, that all of that would be waiting on me. However, spending time with my children was more important and would not wait on me. If I did not take the opportunity when I had it, it would be gone and I would never be able to take that opportunity again. Dishes would still be there however, waiting on me! The man I met and married only a few years ago is being taken from me---way too soon. However, it's more important that the moments we have quality moments. The quantity is being taken away from us, but we have the control over the quality. We as caregivers/women/mothers try to shield and protect our loved ones from any thing that might be difficult. We feel if we work hard enough we can make every thing ok. This is not something we can "fix" or "control". We can drive ourselves crazy trying to do so. Life is not perfect and we can not control it. God gives us situations that make us a better person; how we handle it is up to us. We can not protect our loved one from the pain and I don't think we should try. We can not shield them from spending a few moments with friends, no matter how difficult it may be. It's difficult sometimes to take Paul out in public as I never know what he may say. But I do any way and I just explain to people and hope they understand. If they don't that is their problem, not mine. I try and offer gentle reminders and always end with "I love you and I am glad you are in my life". I have notecards around the house with daily and weekly activities that need to be accomplished. It has helped some. Daily and weekly things may not get done due to Paul feeling too bad to do a simple daily activity. He gets upset that he isn’t able to do things some days or that he just forgot. My grandmother told me when my children were very young that if I didn’t keep the house spotless or wash a dish every time it got dirty, that all of that would be waiting on me. However, spending time with my children was more important and would not wait on me. If I did not take the opportunity when I had it, it would be gone and I would never be able to take that opportunity again. Dishes would still be there however, waiting on me!
The man I met and married only a few years ago is being taken from me—way too soon. However, it’s more important that the moments we have quality moments. The quantity is being taken away from us, but we have the control over the quality. We as caregivers/women/mothers try to shield and protect our loved ones from any thing that might be difficult. We feel if we work hard enough we can make every thing ok. This is not something we can “fix” or “control”. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to do so. Life is not perfect and we can not control it. God gives us situations that make us a better person; how we handle it is up to us. We can not protect our loved one from the pain and I don’t think we should try. We can not shield them from spending a few moments with friends, no matter how difficult it may be.
It’s difficult sometimes to take Paul out in public as I never know what he may say. But I do any way and I just explain to people and hope they understand. If they don’t that is their problem, not mine.
I try and offer gentle reminders and always end with “I love you and I am glad you are in my life”.

]]> By: Sharon http://www.caregiving.com/2010/01/must-i-nag/comment-page-1/#comment-21777 Sharon Sun, 03 Jan 2010 13:38:07 +0000 http://www.caregiving.com/?p=4170#comment-21777 This radio show and article are very good. I haven't heard any responses to Denise's requests for motivational tips to get one's loved one to do things that our good for their health on their own initiative as much as possible. Any ideas? This radio show and article are very good. I haven’t heard any responses to Denise’s requests for motivational tips to get one’s loved one to do things that our good for their health on their own initiative as much as possible. Any ideas?

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