The 6 Myths of Caregiving

It’s full of surprises, this caregiving ride. We’ve created a list of six biggest drops (myths) on the caregiving roller coaster.

1. The government has programs, like Medicare, that will off-set the costs of care.
Sure, Medicare exists but its benefits for long-term care pay only in the short-term. And, Medicaid helps those whose low-income qualifies them for help. Care falls to the family (and typically one family member), who organizes, oversees and provides care. Home care agencies, adult day services, assisted living facilities and nursing homes can be part of a care plan for an older relative, but often the care recipient (and sometimes the family caregiver) assumes the costs of services. (See our FAQs of Caregiving for more details.)

2. My mom raised five children with little help. Surely, I can care for her on my own.
Caring for a frail older adult with chronic illness is not even in the same ballpark as raising children. Sure, you’ll find similarities but the toll of caregiving on your emotions will wear down even the most resolute. Caregiving can be depressing, lonely, overwhelming. Parenting has challenging moments, but it’s an experience that can light up your world. Sometimes, you’ll feel like caregiving has darkened it. And, that’s why it’s good to find help and support.

3. Everyone you helped in the past will gladly pitch in to help now.
Move in your elderly grandfather with dementia and watch your close circle of friends scatter. Tell them you’re feeling stressed and witness eye-rolls and impatient sighs. “Why not just put him in a nursing home?,” they’ll advise. Ask for help—hey, haven’t you always been there to pitch in?—and you’ll be asking to an empty room. Not everyone disappears, but the number of those who do can be heartbreaking.

4. Your caregiving situation is so strange and bizarre you’ll never find anyone who can help or understand.
A husband who urinates in the planter. A grandmother who swears like a sailor. A mother who believes a clean house is one cleaned 20 years ago. You may think you’ve got a caregiving situation to take the cake and that there is absolutely, positively no help. Try. Professionals who work in social services agencies and eldercare agencies will not bat an eye when you share your story. (And, if you they do, find another staff member or agency.) It’s embarrassing to you, but to a professional, it’s just part of their day. Still unconvinced? Tell Us here: What’s the most bizarre part of your caregiving experience?

5. Conversely: All your friends and family members will understand exactly how you feel.
You can look at your care recipient and feel like you can read his heart and mind. So, depending on what you read, you react. You take care. So, because you can, you think others can, too. Sigh. Many can’t. It would be wonderful if they could, but they can’t. It’s not a poor reflection on them or on you—it’s just a fact. Because they can’t, you can: Tell them what you need and how you feel. You’ll both feel better for it. (Our two-part talk show on Healing Relationships can help; listen to Part 1 and Part 2.)

6. It’s easy to find the treatment and care your care recipient needs.
With a good doctor, it can be a fairly smooth ride (bumps to be expected) to an appropriate diagnosis, treatment and care plan. But with a bad doctor, it can be a nightmare. Trust your gut, advocate for your care recipient and demand answers. Often, you are working against the clock, so move quickly if you feel your care recipient (and you) need better and different physicians and professionals. (Editor’s Note: Look for articles in January that can help you find the appropriate diagnosis.)

Which myths did we miss? Please feel free to share in our comments section.

Tags: forgiveness, frustration, six myths of caregiving