Dear Denise,
My 93-year-old mother resents going to bed at 10 p.m. I work full-time and get up at 6. She has bad knees and I fear she will fall. She uses a walker. She wants to stay up to watch Letterman. She will only fall asleep on the couch anyways.
Any suggestions!
Hello,
Ah, you need your rest and she needs her Letterman. Is it possible for you both to get what you want, even if it seems you want different things?
There are so many caregiving battles, but most seem to center on whose schedule (and preferences) will win. I think it’s possible to find a compromise so you both feel you’ll get what you need.
My suggestion: Buy a smaller TV for her room, as well as a bedside commode. She’s in bed at 10, and ready for bed, but can enjoy TV until she falls asleep (in her bed). Place the bedside commode close enough that she can use if needed; be sure her walker is properly positioned so that she can use it to get out of bed. And, make sure she can easily turn on a light so she can see if she must use the commode.
I have a timer on my remote for my TV–I can set the TV to go off automatically in a certain number of minutes. Perhaps you could do that, too—automatically set the TV to go off so you can avoid getting up once you’re settled.
You can check with her physician about having a physical therapist and occupational therapist visit your home to complete an in-home evaluation. During the evaluation, the therapists can demonstrate proper techniques for using the commode and walker (and other equipment, as recommended). Medicare does cover the cost of therapists who provide these at-home evaluations, as long as a physician orders the services. If her physician is not able to help with this, please let me know.
Hope this helps!
If you or your caree are in a crisis, we urge you to call a health care professional immediately for assistance. Denise only provides general insights about general situations. You should always consult your own lawyer, financial planner, health care professional and other professional advisors for advice specific to your situation.
We went through this with my Gram. She is a night-owl, and while I am also one, it takes over an hour or sometimes two, start-to-finish, to get her to bed. When you factor in some alone-time afterwards and all that, I was getting to bed at 1 or so every night. That’s way too late if you have to toilet someone during the night or have to get up and do anything the next day. Also, and when my dad is home, forget about it. He’s a rancher and needs to be awake at 6, so he likes to go to sleep around 10, as well.
We did what Denise suggested and got a TV for her room. It wasn’t a cheap option, since she can’t see well…We ended up having to get a decent-sized flat-screen with a timer on it. It has worked out pretty well. Also, I don’t know if your mother can get ready for bed by herself or if she needs assistance, but I’ve started getting Gram ready for bed as soon as she is done eating, sometimes as early as 6:30pm. That way, I cut out about 30 minutes or so from the bedtime routine come nighttime.
We still have a battle every night if I’m tired and would like to go to bed early or if Dad is home and wants to sleep by 10. Gram is used to being in the middle of everything ALL of the time and HATES the idea of being in her room while the rest of us might be awake. She might be missing something, you know…
I’ll be interested to see how your mother reacts. Keep us posted!
.-= Miss R´s last blog ..Chaplain Coming Today =-.
Just a thought; try getting a vcr and record Letterman. That way she could watch it at more convenient time.
Russ@caringforthem