Isn’t it amazing that we are all born the same exact way and somewhere we all develop our different personalities. My sister and I came from the same parents and are very much different.
I see this in so many families. Of course there are similarities but then there are many differences. I am not a very strong person, I am however kind, loving and nurturing and sometimes a bit too sensitive. I have a problem at times understanding the differences in people.
I must realize that my way works for me but everyone has the right to be the way they choose to be. I suppose at times all families clash. We love each other and at times hate each other, we laugh together and at times cry together, we get along and at times disagree, we are happy for each other and at times jealous.
Families!! I suppose we don’t have to understand each other every moment but have to respect each others’ differences and opinions. As a caregiver I am the type who wants to always help the world but once in a while would love the world to reciprocate and they don’t always do, or they don’t always respond in the way I want.
I must work on this. I must run my race and let everyone else run theirs.
There are times I feel I must distance myself to avoid confrontation. Sometimes we all fight to be the one in charge and sometimes we have to just hand the baton over and say fine, do it!!
I will say, however, we do need family. It would be lonely for me if I never saw them at all. At times when I am hurt by something I will remain kind because when I am it not only affects my situation but I also get a gift. I will find opportunities to spread joy into the family and, who knows, maybe people will admire my smile and kindness and want to copy it once in a while themselves.
We cannot pick our families. We must just put up with one another. We do choose our friends, however, and I am so grateful because, thanks to my caregiving role, I’ve gained so many.
All of you who read this website are my very special friends. So when the family disagrees and our personalities clash I know where I can run. To all of you. Thank you Denise for this wonderful venue and thanks to all of my friends!!
I’m up because I can’t sleep and decided that I’d put “caregiving” into my search engine. Your site was one of the first that came up that I looked at. I needed to read your message today. We’ve been taking care of my mom for almost 9 years now…she has ESRD and is very stubborn. My dad works full-time at the age of 78 so that my mom can have treatments. I have 3 other sisters. One lives out of state. One lives 1.5 hrs. away and one lives close to me. The two of us here get along just fine. We pick up the slack for each other. The other one who lives closer just doesn’t get the whole picture of being flexible at a moment’s notice or having to give up family plans to do something for mom. I am really beginning to resent that. I’m getting so stressed out that I feel as though I’m going to just spew negative on everyone. I don’t understand my sister. I would just like her to give up her activities once in a while so that I can go do something I’d like to do. Her idea of coming to take a day with mom (every other week til haying season) constitutes what her schedule is like. Yeah, I’m filled to the top. Thanks for writing what you did…I needed to read that it’s okay to take a break (even though I don’t know where to go or what to do!).
Donna, I am the youngest of 5 by nine years. There were two boys and 3 girls, both my sisters are gone. Besides the huge age difference between me and them, I am nothing like them. It is like the milkman showed up when mom was 38, (except I do look like everyone!) But our personalities, likes dislikes, are all vastly different. I have during these past 4 years, developed closer relationships with all the many caregivers I have met, then I have had with my siblings and I imagine that is the way it will continue to be.
Rachel, welcome! I needed to share this with you in response to your comment. I can’t tell you how many times my husband or someone would say to me you need to get out of that house…and I would say….go where and do what??? That would be my response for several years. I didn’t want to go anywhere alone, period. I had to come to a point that I knew I had to get out on a more consistant basis and go somewhere and do something! I decided that I should go to what used to be my favorite place, Barnes and Noble, and browse around, look at all the journal books (love blank journals!), and have a cup of Starbucks while browsing! Now when the opportunity came for me to get out, these are not the things I did! I decided the best thing for me was to go walking at the mall! Exercise! Much needed! I had lots to look at too during my walk, and I didn’t have to buy a thing, I was there for my health! So, I have given myself options, all good, all beneficial to me. Think of something you love that you used to do, that brought you enjoyment and comfort and give yourself a couple hours of me time, you deserve it!
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