Something triggered this thought recently. I can’t say what it was, but the thought was that, as caregivers, we are invisible people. We aren’t seen, aren’t heard from, aren’t thought about. Not all caregivers are in that category, but I’d be interested in doing a poll to see just how many felt that way!
I inadvertently tested this out earlier this week. A national restaurant was offering free pancakes, and one of my Facebook friends posted that she was going to go the next morning to get some and who wanted to go? I said memememe! Of course I couldn’t go, but I thought I would post on my Facebook about the free pancakes and I would like some, who would like to bring some to me?
As usual, higher than practical expectations develop! I did get a couple comments on it, but no real takers to see to it that I could have some pancakes. Everyone, family and friends, within a 50-mile radius know I am a caregiver, and most know I get out of the house very little.
I am in no ways traumatized by any of this, but I did find it interesting. There are those who I know think about me and mom, but how many there are that do not, and how many there are that do not call to see how we are and do we need anything, any help?
Again it seems to come back to me, it is all up to me to ask others for help. But this pancake thing, I was all but screaming out, won’t someone please see me, here I am, my husband is out of town, it is just me and mom, and I would really just love to have someone bring me some pancakes. Sigh (just did that).
So, other caregivers, do you feel like one of the invisible people, and if so, in what way?
Hi Donna W.,
I wish so badly that I could bring you a stack of pancakes with syrup on the side in a special (fancy) dish. (: I know exactly what you mean. Recently I had a family member express her concern for me and suggest that it may be time for me to seek an alternative to having my mother live with us. (That just makes me smile when people say things like that because whether my mother lives with us or not, there is still much caregiving to take on). Anyways, when people (family or friends) express their concerns, I wish they would go a step further and offer to help a bit more. Maybe allowing me an additional break to look forward to (twice vs. once a year…) Hang in there and thanks so much for sharing this. Take Care Donna.
aaww thanks so much Bette! See, another caregiver gets it! ok we need to have a huge pancake breakfast! Gather in the caregivers around the nation, no, better yet the world! Denise is hosting!!!
.-= Donna W´s last blog ..Definition Of A Friend by Donna Ryan =-.
Hi, LOL! Okay! I’ll brew enough coffee for everyone.
I went through a period about 10 years when I felt invisible. It’s such an odd feeling. I felt like I was screaming and yet, it was like my voice had no volume. It’s an awful feeling.
I’ll have a poll posted tomorrow so everyone can vote. !!
Awesome, coffee for all! Oh yeah the poll, good idea too!
I have always been the one who was quiet, sat in the back of the room etc. Singing in the church choir, doing solos, some teaching and other things brought me out into the open. However, the easier place for me to be, no efforts to make, is in the back of the room! To actually be put there for this long when I had come to the front of the room, has not been a good thing, and so few understand what that is like, as in non-caregivers. I don’t want to be out there in the front with blazing lights known, but I don’t want to be invisible.
.-= Donna W´s last blog ..Definition Of A Friend by Donna Ryan =-.
What it really boils down to in my opinion is you truly do find out who your friends are..or in this particular case you most definately were lacking friends with empathy. I suppose if we really want something we have to come right out and say would you bring me some pancakes? I could never in a million years do that though. We want to be remembered. especially in your instance, where its just you and mom and your husband was out of town. Im also very sorry that happened to you. Im trying to learn not to personalize things. I know the whole world doesnt revolve around me..im trying hard to work on me and me alone however even something as silly as my radio blog..i was speaking of my visit with my family, i excitedly told them all..i would have thought perhaps one of them would have at least listened to my story. I listen to their stories of work. I dont work anymore..this is it for me..so this little hobby is enjoyment. My husband wrote on facebook (his account) asking his family to listen..which I wanted to kill him for. I dont want sympathy listeners lol…and two of my sister in law wrote me and said I did a nice job. my family said nothing. I just got off the phone with my sister..nothing..I am invisible…but Im also having a down day…I didnt do the show for them anyway..I did it for all of those in our boats. So I do understand Donna..Im just trusting myself!! me, myself and I….can you maybe have a nurse come by and perhpas you and your husband can sneak away for a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes for an hour…oh Im crying again…goodbye lol….I would have killed to bring them to you..I would have been pusing bette out of the way lol lol lol lol and bette…you follow your heart girl. I know myself it is so much easier to have my mom here with me…before I was cleaning two homes, shopping for two homes, calling ten times a day…i sleep better now knowing she is ok…follow your heart…keep trusting yourself.
and denise, you showed them…your not invisible anymore my dear friend!!!!!!!!!!! Hurray for you and for all of us…..