The – Negativity – of Being – Negative

  I have been aware lately that it seems that everything I write concerning my days or experiences have such a negative attitude about them and it concerns me.  I don’t want to bring other caregivers down but encourage and lift them up.  I feel like I am in this rut.  I was going to say “for some reason”, but there are many reasons that I am fighting with negative thoughts and feelings. ...

Ask Denise: What To Do? She Wants Letterman, I Want Sleep

Dear Denise, My 93-year-old mother resents going to bed at 10 p.m. I work full-time and get up at 6. She has bad knees and I fear she will fall. She uses a walker. She wants to stay up to watch Letterman. She will only fall asleep on the couch anyways. Any suggestions! Hello, Ah, you need your rest and she needs her Letterman. Is it possible for you both to get what you want, even if it seems you want different...

Quick Tips to Manage Your Small Business and Your Caregiving Role

Today, on Your Caregiving Journey, Terri Brukhartz, a small business coach, joined us to share tips on how keep your small business open when caregiving becomes part of your day. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.) Terri suggested creating a vision for your life. Ask yourself: What do I want from life? What do I want my life to look like? Then, list all your answers. You also can...

If I Don’t Do It, Who Will? Transitioning from Daughter to Caregiver

In 2006, at 93 years of age, mom was fragile and strong, smart and at times fuzzy. She had a great sense of humor and a twinkle in her blue eyes. If she got mad, she could give you such a whop, if she wanted to…which she didn’t. We had been looking after mom for quite a few years already. Living next door made that pretty easy to do. Each year we had been taking on more and more of her...

Sigh. If Only It Was Just Vomit

Stacey stood in line at the pharmacy. Actually, she jumped up and down in line at the pharmacy. She shouldn’t be here, she should be at home. But her siblings won’t return her calls, her husband is out of town and her father is in need of his refills. She waited until the last minute, but she waited hoping, hoping, hoping that someone could run this errand for her. She needs to be at home. So, while she...

Disappointment … The Sequel

On February 13th, I posted a short rhyme. I won’t call it a poem because it does not evoke any type of pleasant feeling for me. I decided to explain that rhyme and share a bit more on the disappointments behind it. Some family members came to visit mom, the visit was somewhat strained and I had to initiate most conversation. These are family members who have not been to see mom in years, except they did stop...

Potential

Your life has limitless potentials–even within the constraints of your caregiving. This week, consider: Who are you? Who do you want to be? How can you be who want today? Then, be who you truly are. Be the wise, strong, shining star you are. Be.

This Week’s Deal: 20% Off Caregiving Coaching with Denise

(Editor’s Note: We recently launched a new area of our website called Deal of the Week. Each Sunday, we’ll announce a special deal on a product or service for you. Each deal ends on Saturday.) During the week of February 14-20, you’ll save 20% off when you schedule and purchase 4, 30-minute coaching sessions with Denise. The regular cost for 4, 30-minute sessions is $300. This week, your cost is $240 for...

Feb. 14

Mum got out of the hospital on Friday the 5th. The doctor who was taking care of her wanted to put in a feeding tube either through the nose or into the stomach. I didn’t let him because I thought it was really weird putting in a tube and sending her home. What was I to do with that? I got mum out of the hospital and the next Wednesday went to see her geriatrician. This doctor said that while mum does not...

Disappointment Once Again

when family comes a callin, expectations there should not be…. for hopes they go a fallin, when changes you do not see….

I <3 February 15

It’s not that I don’t love Valentine’s Day. I just really love the day after. When it’s over. I can get through stress of the December holidays, worrying whether certain family members will wreak havoc on our (hopefully) joyful time. I gut it out when I face another birthday and turn another year older. But, the celebration of love, when the love I want lacks, can be a day full of sad...

Unpleasant Conversations…Hospice and Palliative Care

I’m sure this has been discussed  on this site before, but it has happened again over in my neck of the woods. Today was interesting. For starters, I pulled a back muscle in the morning while doing a light workout–in an attempt to be “healthier” and to “take care of myself.” Sigh. Also, my Gram’s daytime caregiver was sick, but we were lucky enough to get our weekend gal...

Persons with Advanced Dementia More Likely to Receive Feeding Tubes at Larger, For-Profit Hospitals

Just the other day, a few visitors were directed to our website after searching Google for this information: feeding tube decision removing a feeding tube And, Dilys, one of our bloggers, posted an entry earlier this week about her mum’s hospitalization and the doctors’ suggestion that a feeding tube be inserted. Wondering about whether to insert a feeding tube can be a nerve-wracking and gut-wrenching...

Call for Study Participants: Understanding Language Problems in Alzheimer’s

Are you caring for person with Alzheimer’s disease? University of Florida researchers have received a grant from the National Institutes of Health to study word-finding problems in people with Alzheimer’s disease. The researchers are looking for participants to help better understand language problems in Alzheimer’s disease. Participants must be right handed, native English language speakers, and able...

On Being Savvy….

My husband and I were talking yesterday about how he had to come up with some “tricks” to get mom to eat Monday night. He was interacting with her and her teddy bear, “bear buddy”. Usually mom resists being fed by anyone but me, so he is as he calls it, becoming “savvy” at how to deal with her. He comes up with ideas that basically distract her from the fact that it is he who...

Mom and Me, Remembering Special Times

This is one of my favorite journal entries I wrote.  It is about some of the special times and places I shared with mom over the years, and I would like to share them with you. As a child, going downtown with Mom was a treat. We would catch the bus down the block for our house and in minutes (though in my young person excitement it seemed much longer) arrive downtown. We would go to J. C. Penney’s, maybe...

What Keeps You From Using Caregiving Services?

This morning, Sandra Timmerman, director of MetLife Mature Market Institute, joined us to discuss the impact of working family caregivers on an employer’s health care costs. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.) The study, The MetLife Study of Working Caregivers and Employer Health Care Costs, found that caregiving employees have more health problems than non-caregiving...

Decisions

Want to make a certain decision but worried about how others will react? If you make decisions that will make everyone happy but you, then you’ve made a decision in fear. And, that’s selling yourself short. You make good, wise decisions. You can explain the reasons for your decision simply and successfully. When you do this, you are doing what you want rather than avoiding what you fear.

Feb. 8

Well, once again my mother spent 5 days in the hospital. This time it was due to severe abdominal pain. When she is in hospital, all she does is sleep. She won’t eat at all. So she comes out quite debilitated. The doctors really wanted to tube feed her – either through the nose or directly into the stomach. I didn’t let them. At home mum still eats. Not much, but she eats. Today at lunch she ate...

Ask Denise: Is the Guilt About Self-Esteem?

Dear Denise, I’ve been reading the recent discussion about guilt. I do schedule time away from my caree, but feel guilty for doing so—even though I know I want and need the time away. I wonder: Is feeling guilty related to self-esteem? Hello, What a great question. The short answer: Yes. Let’s break it down. Here’s the good about your guilt: Your ability to feel guilty shows your great...

No Experience Wasted

I hadn’t had a chance to listen to Wednesday’s blog radio program with Mabel R. who takes care of her husband. Tonight I had a chance to do that. Even though Mabel’s husband’s disease is different than my own husband’s disease I can relate to some of her feelings in many ways. Although I would find it very difficult to take care of a parent, I believe in many ways taking care of my husband is more...

Fan Page Photo Contest

We need a new Facebook fan page photo! Send me a photo–if it becomes our official fan page photo, you’ll win autographed copies of my books (Take Comfort and The Caregiving Years). Send your photos to me. To see the view the photos we’ve received, go here. And, be sure to join our fan page! Update: Congrats to Mary Winger and Donna Webb–your photos will now be our fan page photos!...