Stacey stood in line at the pharmacy. Actually, she jumped up and down in line at the pharmacy. She shouldn’t be here, she should be at home. But her siblings won’t return her calls, her husband is out of town and her father is in need of his refills.
She waited until the last minute, but she waited hoping, hoping, hoping that someone could run this errand for her. She needs to be at home.
So, while she waits, she jumps. Her anxiety seems to propel her up and down. It’s like she’s stuck in the ball that the gerbil at home spins in his cage—moving all around but stuck. Stuck in line. When she needs to be home.
And, then before she knows it, it’s like an out-of-body experience. She hears herself yelling at the pharmacist, who inexplicably chooses this day to work in slow motion. “What’s taking so long,” she hears herself shout. “Why can’t you move faster? The service here sucks!”
It’s only then, after the words leave her mouth, that she realizes the slow-motion pharmacist is actually her favorite pharmacist, the one who diligently and kindly explains why each medication has been prescribed, what side effects to watch for, and how to dispense each one (with or without meals, without grapefuit juice, etc.). The pharmacist who any other day feels like her best friend in the whole word.
Oh, God, she thinks, I just spewed. If only it were vomit instead of words.
Now what?
You hope to avoid moments that lead to a spew. You do your best—listening to relaxation tapes, participating in an online support group, writing in your journal. Even with your best efforts, caregiving can get the best of you. So, how do you clean up after a spew?
A few suggestions:
1. Apologize.
2. Apologize again.
3. Quietly slip away.
It’s these kinds of days when memory problems seem like problem-solvers. Oh, to be able to forget.
Since you’ll always remember, tell us: When was your last spew? And, how did you manage the clean-up?
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It really wasnt a spew but Kevin dropped off a dress at the dry cleaner for me yesterday as we have a wedding to attend saturday night. he wasnt paying attention and just put the receipt in his pocket and when he got home and handed it to me I saw they charged us $47.00…this is a black dress with a few sequins…its not a gown…I went nuts lol…I felt bad afterwards because he really was just doing me a favor and he truly would not have known what the cost should be. He said he was sorry…I tried calling the dry cleaner but they werent open…I realized I was absolutely over reacting but was just livid..I went on line and found they had a website and I sent them an email stating that my dear aunt always used that cleaners when she was alive and always bragged about them…I could see 35.00 for the dress but 47.00…Well low and behold I got an email today they are taking $10.00 off…I dont know if it is because my guardian angel my aunt or because I spoke up but it worked out for me this time…I also apologized to Kevin for my outburst…I know this isnt the most exciting post…:)
I had a “spew” with my my poor Gram the other night. I was so tired and so frustrated and so burned out. When she pushed her call button at 3am to use the bathroom, I was already not in the most positive mood. I tried to use the bedside commode, but couldn’t get her pivoted correctly and inadvertently almost dropped her and DID fall into a nightstand, myself. I didn’t get her positioned on the thing correctly and some of the urine got on the shag carpet. I couldn’t get her back into bed correctly either and did my best to pick her up and put her there. (I failed.)
By the end of it, I shoved the wheelchair a few feet and exclaimed that I couldn’t freaking do this anymore and that I wanted to strangle her daytime caregiver for suggesting the bleeping commode in the first place. Now, I don’t swear often and NEVER yell at her. EVER. I am normally a very soft-spoken individual. That night I felt like someone else was in control of my voice.
Immediately after it happened I felt so bad. She started to cry and I told her it was okay and it wasn’t her fault. Inside, I was just dying. I was so ashamed.
I did #3 on that list, first. I slunk away in the morning after her daytime caregiver showed up and spent all day feeling like a wretched, alien being. I had never acted that way before. How could I do that to her?
When I came home that afternoon, I finally did #1 and #2. I bent down and apologized, and she forgave me. We complained about the commode together, laughed about my childish attempt to throw the wheelchair and things went back to normal.
Long post, sheesh! The point I’m trying to make is, don’t do what I did and do #3 first. It will only make you feel like a coward. And even if you DO, make sure to get #1 and #2 in there as soon as you can. Keep communication open…especially if you “spewed” at a loved one.
.-= Miss R´s last blog ..Meltdown =-.