This morning, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness,” joined us for our monthly discussion on happiness. (You can listen to the entire show via the player at the bottom of the post.)
Today, we tackled the question: When life takes an unexpected turn and becomes what you don’t want, can we be happy?
We can. Here’s how:
Grieve for the lost dream or expectation or goal. Then, say: It is what it is. What am I going to do now?
Forgive—the lost dream, the disease, your caree, fate, God. Forgive all who you perceive may be involved in taking your life down the wrong road.
Focus on changing your emotional reaction to your situation. We can’t change the situation—we can change our thoughts and reactions to it.
Move from victim to victor. Rewrite the story you tell about your life. Say: “I’ve had a rough few years taking care of my caree. These years, though, have been so full of life lessons, I could write a book. So, I am.”
Start a gratitude journal, jotting down three positive episodes, events, sightings or encounters each day. Before you know it, the three will blossom into 30.
Erase “yeah, but” from your vocabulary. “Yeah, but” is just a longer version of “No.”
Create a list of the supportive individuals and resources in your life. During a bad day or dark moment, reach out to those who see how great you are.
Accept compliments. Allow others to tell you about your greatness. Be that person, in return; see others in all their glory and then tell them.
Record a visualization you play when you need to escape. Your visualization can be your description of a vacation, a dream, a goal. Be specific as you describe your vacation or your business or another dream: Include what you see, smell, touch, hear and feel.
When you’re in a good place, write a letter to yourself that you’ll read when you’re in the dark hole. In the letter, write about your accomplishments, compliments, achievements, resilience, values and goodness. These will be welcome reminders when hope seems lost.
We’d love to know: How have you found your happiness when it seemed lost?
I was able to listen to this and it was excellent….if you have not already taken some time to do it you must…great show…
it really goes with my line…joy is a choice….i learned a lot today…..
This show was wonderful. For me, it went hand and hand with a piece in “Take Comfort”: “Bricks”. Both talking about perspective. Something that may be different than what we had expected, is just that…different, not bad. We have had to move a lot with my husband’s job, but where my heart is and where I had hoped to be again by now (going on 5 years away) is Rhode Island. I lived in RI for 25 years. It was extremely difficult to leave my friends, who had become like family. Especially while caregiving. However, if it were not for caregiving, I would not have found Caregiving.com, each of you and Denise! (: I am so thankful for each of you. Caregiving gave me this special place. I am thankful for my “position” of caregiver. We all know how difficult it can be, but I know for me, what a wonderful feeling it is to focus on the good, on the blessings rather than the challenges (this is a new perspective by the way). I just helped my mother with her shower, pills, and got her into bed. She said, “thank you for helping me”. I know she means that daily, but I haven’t heard that in a long time. Something else to focus on and be thankful for. We are all “empowered” to concentrate on the good things. I hope I can hang on to these thoughts, especially through the rougher days.
Hi Bette–What a wonderful moment for you and your mom last night! That’s a keeper. and, how affirming is that!! And, even better: How great it is that you know this. It sounds like your groove is really grooving.
I’m trying to keep things “grooving”…I just got back from Walmart, picking up perscriptions and a few grocery items. Took about an hour and a half. It is pooring rain here. When I walked back into the house, my mother was very upset. Sitting in her chair with the T.V. off! “Where have you been, it’s been too long”, etc…My first inclination is to get a bit defensive, I’m 47 years old, why do I have to explain, particularly about Walmart. I don’t really even like going there. But…the “Bricks”, o.k. where is the better perspective in this? She missed me!, right? that’s a good thing. (: Also, the pooring rain… I miss RI, maybe this is the moisture I need in missing the ocean… (: Everyday lately has been full of times of learning. Learning to try and give things a positive “twist”. Such a much better feeling than moaning and being frustrated. Thank you Denise.
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I was able to listen to this and it was excellent….if you have not already taken some time to do it you must…great show…
it really goes with my line…joy is a choice….i learned a lot today…..
This show was wonderful. For me, it went hand and hand with a piece in “Take Comfort”: “Bricks”. Both talking about perspective. Something that may be different than what we had expected, is just that…different, not bad. We have had to move a lot with my husband’s job, but where my heart is and where I had hoped to be again by now (going on 5 years away) is Rhode Island. I lived in RI for 25 years. It was extremely difficult to leave my friends, who had become like family. Especially while caregiving. However, if it were not for caregiving, I would not have found Caregiving.com, each of you and Denise! (: I am so thankful for each of you. Caregiving gave me this special place. I am thankful for my “position” of caregiver. We all know how difficult it can be, but I know for me, what a wonderful feeling it is to focus on the good, on the blessings rather than the challenges (this is a new perspective by the way). I just helped my mother with her shower, pills, and got her into bed. She said, “thank you for helping me”. I know she means that daily, but I haven’t heard that in a long time. Something else to focus on and be thankful for. We are all “empowered” to concentrate on the good things. I hope I can hang on to these thoughts, especially through the rougher days.
Hi Bette–What a wonderful moment for you and your mom last night! That’s a keeper. and, how affirming is that!! And, even better: How great it is that you know this. It sounds like your groove is really grooving.
I’m trying to keep things “grooving”…I just got back from Walmart, picking up perscriptions and a few grocery items. Took about an hour and a half. It is pooring rain here. When I walked back into the house, my mother was very upset. Sitting in her chair with the T.V. off! “Where have you been, it’s been too long”, etc…My first inclination is to get a bit defensive, I’m 47 years old, why do I have to explain, particularly about Walmart. I don’t really even like going there. But…the “Bricks”, o.k. where is the better perspective in this? She missed me!, right? that’s a good thing. (: Also, the pooring rain… I miss RI, maybe this is the moisture I need in missing the ocean… (: Everyday lately has been full of times of learning. Learning to try and give things a positive “twist”. Such a much better feeling than moaning and being frustrated. Thank you Denise.