Caregiving changes it all. You’ve seen your caree change before your eyes. Some days, you’ve seemed so different you can hardly recognize yourself in the mirror.
And, then there’s the family unit.
Perhaps caregiving has changed your family unit into just you—everyone else has scattered. Or, perhaps caregiving has silenced your once talkative family. Or, perhaps caregiving has caused a tear, dividing the family into separate units.
Or, maybe, caregiving has helped your family unit, causing a rift to heal or a relationship to be restored.
This week, tell us: What’s the biggest change to your family because of caregiving?
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The biggest change to my family is that I have a very strained relationship, (if any) with my sisters. I was the sole caregiver for my mom. I have two younger sisters, and I thought and actually, we all agreed, that they would help out. When I begged for some relief, they gave me all kinds of excuses as why they couldn’t watch mom. When I asked for some financial help, they treated me like I was stealing mom’s social security check. It’s been more than two years since mom passed away, and I haven’t talked to one of my sisters since. I did speak to the other one on Thanksgiving. That’s it. I know this happens, unfortunately often. It is so sad when families are torn apart, because some people can’t be inconvenienced. But, I don’t regret what I did. I ended winning, because the bond between my mom and I grew stronger while she was in my care.
I had always pictured that my family would be like a “Leave it to Beaver” family in a crisis.. (: I was very naive. After my mother’s stroke, there were very strong opinions as to where she should live. Like you Emily, the relationships became strained.
It is only recently that things seem better (her stroke was 8 years ago). Even now, things with my siblings are not completely where they were. I thought families pulled together in times of need, through reading others’ blogs and comments, I think it is a universal problem. I am glad that you had those special times with your mom. She was fortunate to have you to speak up for her and take care of her.
Chad’s health has caused our family to become stronger. We have patched relationships that were rocky because we saw the need to embrace each other, faults & all.
I can’t say there has been a rift at any time, but it was extremely difficult to talk to some family members who were in denial about Chad’s diagnosis. Over time, about 2 years, I think everyone is finally on the same page and it’s refreshing to me not to tip-toe around any topics that come up.
While I am here with him every day, I definitely take the brunt of his daily care – which isn’t always all-consuming. He has some really good days scattered about mediocre days.
But I admit I miss being a wife. My role as his caretaker, nurse and health advocate has taken over and I struggle to let go of my idea of what our marriage is supposed to be. It is lonely at times, and very hard. It is definitely the biggest change I have experienced with his illness and I was ill prepared for it, to put it simply.
.-= Skye´s last blog ..Another day, another doctor =-.
Like Skye said the change from being a wife, lover, and friend to my husbamd to a caregiver is the biggest and most difficult change. It is also a more adult/child relationship now. It is a lonely and difficult change. I don’t think any of us are prepared for this even those of us who are a lot older than you, Skye. We all just take it one step at a time.