It has been a what’s up with me kind of week. I have new blogs I want to write, titles already in place, but just can’t get my thoughts in order to finish them.
Wanting a bedroom and bed is weighing on me this week too.
Spring is coming one of my favorite seasons, but along with it comes another dimension of loneliness and sadness. Where the multitudes are enjoying the warmer temps, bar-b-cues are being held, festivals and picnics are being enjoyed, and the quiet and isolation intensifies in this house. Yay, I will get to open windows and doors, and air this place out (from smells unmentionable!), but it adds to the knowing of what is going on outside and what people get to enjoy that I don’t and haven’t for sometime.
Mom will be 96 in May….
Choir will be over this month with our Easter Program, then there will be no getting away on Monday nights, just every other Sunday.
Mom’s bones show more and more as the days pass….hard to tend to her and see and feel them.
(Sigh) Winter blahs, as many get, for me have to do with not being able to open doors and windows, that is about it. I wouldn’t go out and do extra activities in the winter even if I could, do not like cold or snow!
But it is the warmer weather, the leaves on the trees, green grass, and flowers…I love flowers, and birds…have to see my first robin to know that spring is really here…and see those geese flying north!
This is a rambling blog for sure, but I knew there were things slushing around inside of me, and the best way to feel better is to let them ooze onto a post! Yuk…
Hopefully I can get the other blogs done soon, I don’t like have unfinished ones, means those thoughts are in my head, and emotions bound up inside yet.
I admire you so much. When I read your blogs and the care you provide for your mom, the sacrifices you make–all truly humbling. Thank you for your writing and your example to me.
I know where you are coming from. Take comfort knowing that you are a strong and courageous woman and thank God that your mom has someone who loves her unconditionally. That isn’t always the case. Wow! Your mom will be 96 in May? God Bless her!!
I cared for my mom for two years. It wasn’t a long time, but it drained me physically and emotionally. Now, two years after her death, I wish that she were here with me again. Make sure that you make time for yourself. Do things that you enjoy when you can. I admire all caregivers!!
Thank you Bette and Emily, words of encouragement are always appreciated!
Donna W´s last blog ..What’s Up With Me?
Hi–I think it’s interesting how the changes we welcome (spring’s return) are the changes that also bring pain. With new growth brings painful reminders of a life outside the house (outside caregiving). You provide such wonderful, loving care for your mom. I hope that knowledge puts a little spring in your step.
And, soon we meet. !!! Thanks for the update, always love to hear from you.
See I was right, I have never met you but the other day I asked you what was wrong…I knew you were feeling down….it proves my point…we dont have to actually meet to be friends and feel sadness. You have the right to days like this…once in a while you need a good dose of love and caring for yourself. I personally cant wait for your writers block to be over because you inspire me every day…feel better…I wish I could say looking forward to meeting you soon but since we are too many miles apart please at least know that Im just an email away:) your a great daughter and a great friend!!!
Caregiving is emotionally exhausting. It is only natural that you will have sad times and to think the world is passing you by. Never forget, however, that what you are doing for your Mom is a true blessing to her. You will never be sorry that you have done this, and in the end it will turn into a true blessing for you. In the meantime you must take time for yourself.
Thanks everyone, your words are appreciated and received. I am trying to do some writing today, one of the blogs I have been wanting to get done this week, hopefully I can finish it. It is not lengthy but it goes wayyyyy back into my childhood, so takes awhile to pull up just the right memories to use. This is such a dark dreary day, which is downer no matter what is going on! Gary will be home some time this afternoon, so another body will be present, and two of the boys will be over some time today till tomorrow morning, and…I will be going to church tomorrow because our choir is doing a preview song of the Easter performance that is coming up. So, a fairly occupied weekend at this point. Thanks again everyone, it is only here that I can really “spill my guts out”! Donna however, knows before I say anything!
Donna W´s last blog ..What’s Up With Me?
Hi Donna W…I just wanted to let you know that I know where you are coming from. I have three posts started on various topics, but have not been able to organize my thoughts enough to write anything worth reading. It’s been awful! My brain feels like jelly. Also, I can’t seem to get excited about spring or any of the upcoming holidays. This is unusual for me…I am a holiday nut! However, I just can’t seem to feel anything about St. Pat’s, Easter…any of it. I even failed at Lent! I know that I should be happy that this is another season that my grandmother gets to see, but maybe it’s that reason alone that I can’t seem to muster my usual enthusiasm…I am just plain sad. Also, I don’t know where you are located, but I’m in Montana and it’s too chilly here to open the doors or windows for very long without freezing out poor Gram. We desperately need to, for the same reasons you mentioned. (Along with the fact that someone left a rotting bag of potatoes in the pantry, thus smelling up the entire house.) Anyway, I know how you feel. I hope we get back on our feet soon.
It has helped to write this post, get out some of the things that were bothering, and I really didn’t know they were, except I knew I was acting not right. I do not look forward to holidays anymore, either because of finances or because my kids and grandkids live far away, most of them…or because of mom..is this the last one with her. As for Easter, it was Easter of 2006 that we started having one of us here all the time with mom, she fell while we were at church, so that was the end of her being left alone at all.
I live in S.E Wisconsin, so it has to warm up to maybe 60′s and I can open up some windows or doors a bit, keeping mom out of the draft of course.
Rotting potatoes huh, as if the “other” smells weren’t enough to deal with right! I am going to listen to your session with Denise, hopefully tomorrow. It is good that we each get to hear each other, putting a voice to these words we write.
Well, I think I am down to maybe 4 unfinished blogs now, after getting the Hands of Time done. Maybe I can finish another this week!
Thanks for sharing!
Donna W´s last blog ..The Hands of Time