Hello, everyone…
I stumbled upon Denise’s website a month or so ago on a day that I was feeling very alone and that the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was amazed at the resources available, and listened to several of the podcasts. It was so good to hear from others that were feeling the same way and had great advice and tips to make this caregiving journey easier. I emailed Denise a few times, one thing led to another, and today I’m starting my own blog.
I am the primary caregiver for my wonderful, amazing mom who is 86-years-old. I really like the phrase “caregiving journey” because it is so descriptive. This is a journey, and I try to remind myself of that. Sometimes, I act more like it’s a sprint—when I know that it needs to be a slow, steady journey.
I’m sure you are probably wondering about why my blog name is “The Unit Known as Shandi.” Mom has four kids; two girls and two boys. My sister’s name and mine are very similar. Mom has always mixed up our names (and occasionally even called us by the dog’s name). Okay, I’ve done it,too. Frequently! A few years ago, she started combining my sister’s and my names into one—Shandi. It’s stuck. We are now “The Unit Known as Shandi”! I read so often where caregivers are frustrated because their siblings won’t share the responsibilities for an aging parent, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am that my sister and I are a “Unit”.
I am hoping that this blog will reflect three voices—mine, my sister’s and my mom’s. I’m writing under a pseudonym in order to protect my mom’s privacy. It’s hard enough for her to have her BPs, BMs, daily meds and diet recorded in the caregiver’s journal without me broadcasting these details to cyberspace!
Mom has severe orthopedic impairments. She walks (on good days) with the help of a modified walker and a caregiver assisting. On bad days, she’s in a wheelchair. She has almost no use of her left hand, and limited use of her right hand. She needs help with every aspect of daily life. Her health is perfect, except for high blood pressure, which is controlled by medication. The past few years have added memory issues to the mix, which have been harder for me to handle than her disability. She has been very active all of her life. She grew up on a farm during the Depression and always spent her leisure time outside working in the yard or helping others. Adjusting to be a “lady of leisure” has not been easy for her.
Almost five years ago now, we built her a house right next door to us (about 25 feet away). It was tough for her to sell the house that she and Dad had built, and where she’d lived for almost 50 years, but she knew that she needed to be closer to us.
I am her primary caregiver, but I have lots of help. We have a wonderful family member/caregiver that comes two days a week and someone else that comes one weekend each month so that my husband and I can get away. A neighbor helps out during the daytime on some days.
My sister is my support and my rock. She is 16 years older than I am, and deals with her own health issues. I know that she struggles with feeling guilty because she doesn’t do more, but she has helped in so many ways. She worries about me, and about Mom. She is always there for both Mom and I, and comes running up here to help if I get sick, or if I ask her to help with paperwork, or in any other way she can.
I am married (for 30 years now), have four grown kids, a daughter-in-law (and another one soon) and four grandchildren. My husband is a huge help, too, as our our kids. We are also working on relocating his mother (79-years -old) to our state from halfway across the United States. She has fairly severe memory loss.
I think that’s it for now. I just wanted to introduce myself. Thank you, all, for your words of wisdom and the warm welcome to caregiving.com.
Hi Shandi! Welcome–I’m so glad you’ve joined us! I’m already intrigued by your stories and I’m looking forward to more. It sounds like you have a wonderful family. It strikes me that all of you are on the same page and have a great sense of humor. Thanks for sharing and inviting us to join you on your journey.
Hi Shandi…so nice meeting you. I apologize for not writing you sooner. I read your upbeat post the other day but that evening and all day yesterday i was laid up with a terrible headache..I did not even turn my computer on..when I dont do that everyone knows Im sick lol…especially in here…as you come on more and more you will see I am the wordy family member but I love coming in and meeting wonderful new people like yourself. I also blog..Im plain Donna lol…my buddy Donna W is pretty good too along wtih the rest of the gang. You are so blessed you have a family unit to help you with your mom. I so look forward to reading more and more of your story…welcome…keep writing…
Ta da! Hi Shandi, I’m the “other” Donna. Welcome to our little caregiving family! Yes Donna R is the “wordy” one lol, (love ya Donna)! Not sure how I would describe myself, but one thing I am is real, I share the realities of what I deal with as a caregiver for my mom, sometimes they are very unpleasasnt. I am glad you have joined us and look forward to reading about you and your family!
.-= Donna W´s last blog ..Silent Talking =-.
Thank you for the warm welcomes, Donnas. I know that I am blessed to have a caring and involved sister, and that we are a unit. Last month, she asked me, “What can I do to help” and I handed her three major paperwork jobs. It felt so great to be able to mark those tasks in my ever-growing task list as “waiting on someone else” and get them off of my plate.
My initial post was pretty upbeat, but it was a pretty accurate picture. Last week was a really good week, and I was feeling good when I wrote that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with the reality and responsibilities of caring for Mom. I appreciate the honesty of both of your blogs. It helps so much to know that what I’m feeling is a natural part of caregiving.
Hope you both have a great day.
Nice meeting you too….you know what, I am wordy…I will admit lol..however when you get time to really go through the blogs you will see I have been caring for people for so long. As I wrote, my Aunt lived with us briefly…I wont bore you with it all..its in the long story, my blog…I must be upbeat because I feel it is my right to be. My husband and I have opened our home twice now…we are also getting older…so now that Im almost 51 I must live my life along with doing and caring very much in this very important caregiving job…so I am a serious and loving caregiver..I truly am…I am also very real and I do have bad days sometimes…I really however try to be realistic as well as positive for all of us. This is hard…but if every day we only focus on the hard it would be real hard to wake up and do it again.So yes, it is hard…I just try to find some light and keep everything going with a smile and lots of humor and laughter…Sometimes we just have to dig and dig and dig and find something to be happy about … its worth it..
I hope you all have a great day too:)