Finding New When Old Is Robbed

Janet Cromer, author of “Professor Cromer Learns to Read: A Couples New Life after Brain Injury” joined us this afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey. Janet cared for her husband, Alan, after his 1998 cardiac arrest led to brain injury and, later, Parkinson’s. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.)

Janet spoke about the day their lives changed, when Alan had a heart attack on a plane. She said during the next few months she operated in a bewildered state, struggling to process the significant changes occurring: Alan had lost his abilities and his memory. Those losses led to a greater loss—the loss of mutuality. What they shared was gone.

Janet worked to develop new shared experiences, creating new connections around common goals. The new goals led to new rituals, including singing songs Alan loved.

We closed our talk with a few suggestions from Janet for spouses in a caregiving role:

• Janet recommends learning about ambiguous loss, a term coined by Pauline Boss and discussed in her book, “Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief.” It’s the loss that keeps on giving.

• Seeking help for depression is critical. Red flags that your depression needs treatment include crying stints, irritability, lack of follow-through, drinking, a change in eating and sleeping patterns, and no longer enjoying once-pleasant activities. Check with your doctor about referrals to help.

Related Articles

• When Your Caree Is Your Life’s Love (caregiving.com)
• Say It (caregiving.com)

Tags: ambiguous loss, spousal caregiver