Margin

In the midst of the busiest time in our family life the past few weeks, I sat and stared at my computer screen with a blank stare. What I read took my breath away. I was looking at four words that were penetrating my inner soul more than I had expected. The four words were part of a larger email sitting in my in-box and I was literally frozen as I read,

Refuel, Retool, Refresh, Reconnect.

My mind was flooded with images as I’m a visual learner, but I couldn’t understand the emotions welling up inside of me. I was afraid of what emotion or emotions might come out.

I then had one of the biggest epiphany about being a full-time caregiver that I have ever had as a caregiver. One thing I have needed is to passionately protect above anything else in my life, including my care-receiver, my family, my faith (okay maybe not that much but you get the point). I have needed to have margin in my life.

Have you ever tried to read a book or article that has no margins? It is one of the most disconcerting things to do. It doesn’t look or feel right. Margins are nothing but space.

Margin in my life needs to be space with nothing. Nothing scheduled, nothing to-do, nothing to watch, nothing to read, nothing to volunteer for, NOTHING! The reason? If I am operating at 99-120% of my time and energy then I have no space for the unexpected as a caregiver or even for myself. Let me explain further. My wife, whom I am a full-time caregiver for, was recently admitted into hospital due to an infection. Now an infection is really serious after her BMT (bone marrow transplant). She was in hospital for 7-days and life at home continued in its normal rhythm. I needed space in my life to drive to the hospital for visits and adjust my work schedule minimally but I still needed to have those margins. If those margins didn’t exist then I would have been stressed out trying to create it and worried about what to eliminate from my life. Once my wife came home, I needed to have margin for runs to the pharmacy, home-care nurse to come into our home, making alternate plans for our 3 year old to go to friends houses and be cared for.

Now I am not naive to know that the unexpected is always going to happen and I can never fully prepare for those times in my lives. What I need to do is allow the margins of space to exist in my life as a caregiver. I cannot keep calling and canceling or rescheduling plans. That is an added stress that leaves me running on fumes and feeling exhausted. If that happens without margins existing in my life it will impact my caregiving, my family, my relationships, my health, and the list goes on.

So the answer I have found is simplicity. Keep my schedule simple, keep my family meals (and prep) simple. By keeping things simple I’m able to focus, concentrate and make informed and educated decisions. Even though I hate not being busy and juggling many things at once, by keeping things simple in my life I am a better person and through this season of increased time and commitment to caregiving, my family gets me 100% of the time without distractions. My family is more important than anything else in my life right now.