When we moved to our condo, it felt like a new beginning. I still love our new place for many reasons, but caregiving still is a burden on my heart. Spring is a promise of nicer weather and new beginnings. I love the warmer weather, but the decline I see in my husband and all that goes with that still lies heavy on my heart.
My husband’s neurological disease has not only put him in a wheelchair, but it has also caused his personality to change. He is lethargic, sleeps a lot, and is often quite negative. We are going to try an antidepressant now. We will pick them up at the drug store today. I have been hesitant to try an antidepressant because of possible side effects. My husband’s disease by itself can cause depression, and then he can become depressed BECAUSE of the disease. I hope this will help, but sometimes it feels like we have tried so many things—. I hope and pray this will help.
On the positive side I had a great oncology report when I went for my check-up with my oncologist recently. It is now over two years since I completed my breast cancer treatment! I have also been able to go out with friends a couple times, and I have had a chance to substitute teach a couple times in the past couple weeks. These have both proven to be wonderful breaks for me. Other blessings have been finding out that the insurance I will using after our cobra runs out will be cheaper than I thought it would be. (I could have done without the whole morning of filling out the application form, however.) Wayne is also set up with Medicare which will start for him on May 1st.
Easter Sunday was special for me with Sunday services and contemplating the real meaning of Easter and what that means in my life. We also had family over for dinner and the afternoon on Easter Sunday. It was a wonderful day.
This past Sunday it was my turn to lead the Sunday school lesson in our woman’s Sunday school class. It went very well. I don’t think I would have felt comfortable doing this a few years back. I taught kids for years but never adults. The trials of caregiving and other trials have strengthened my faith, however, and I felt that I had something to say to these woman. The lesson involved truths which I believe with all my heart, and hence it was relatively easy to teach and share with this class of woman. Yes, I have learned great lessons in character, faith, and in love for my Lord. One wonders, however, why these lessons have to come through such difficult trials.
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Denise
Hi Sharon–I’m so glad the new condo feels like home! I loved your comment yesterday about buying a few things for you and for your home. Such a nice way to take care of yourself!
And, good for you! for leading Sunday’s class. I bet the women loved what you shared. Did you learn anything as you shared?
Donna Ryan
Sharon…once again Im so glad to have read your post. I suppose God gives us the strength to sharpen all of our inner tools and when they are ready we can go out there and use them to help fix others situations…you are helping so many people. this experience gave you courage to teach adults where as before you may not have been comfortable. Im also so happy to hear of your oncology report and that your doing so well….you truly are an inspiration and I look forward to each of your posts…..
The Unit Known as Shandi
Sharon,
I’ve been thinking about you for the past two weeks. Although I am not new to caregiving (I’ve cared for my mom in increasing capacity for 11 years now), I’ve been caregiving in a whole new way these past few weeks. My husband had spine surgery. He’s doing wonderfully, and this is only temporary, and nothing compared to what you deal with on a daily basis. However, it has been really difficult. Mom went through 8 surgeries in 6 years, including two artificial joints. All 8 surgeries combined were easier (from my caregiving standpoint) than this one with my husband. Caring for a spouse is so difficult. He is a pretty hyper individual, and keeping him down and trying to prevent him from hurting himself has been really hard. I’ve felt more like a dictator than a wife. I have a close friend that dealt with a disabled husband for many years, and while I was there for her, I couldn’t really fully understand until I walked this road. And this is temporary!
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Sharon
Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I appreciate it so much. Yes, Denise, I did learn much, as I shared with my Sunday school class. I think the teacher always learns more than the students. I learned that I can do anything God asks me to do, if I trust Him and believe in His promises in the Bible. I don’t need to have my negative thoughts and situations control me and my reactions,if I keep my focus on Him.
Donna, thanks for all your kind comments also. You always say such encouraging things.
Shandi, I appreciate your comments and reflections as well. You are right in saying that caregving of a spouse is a tough job. The hardest part is the emotional issues and the change in roles. The change in his personality is also difficult. Knowing this is going to go on and on is also tough.
Donna Webb
Sharon, I had written awhile back that someone told me what I did was easier because I had the Lord in my life…I said no it was not easier. It is still very very difficult, but, I could have never endured this without Him in my life, just like you. He is our help in time of need…if we will go to Him. I could not have even chosen to take care of mom, if He was not in my heart and gave me the love to do so. I can’t even grasp your specific emotions as you see and deal with your husbands changes, but we all do share the same pain, the same anger at times, the same grief and so on. I know where mom will be when she passes, daddy has been waiting a long time for her, tending the gardens around their home. I know that these years will also count for something because even now I am reaching out to other caregivers in the area to go and visit them and share with them what we all share here with each other. Blessings on you and yours.
Sharon
Thanks to all of you once again for your kind comments. (See my earlier response.) Donna W. I say “Amen” to all you said. Thanks for writing!