This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Barry Jacobs, author of “The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers,” joined us for a discussion about gender differences in caregiving. Our conversation was sparked by a review of research released earlier this month indicating that the caregiving toll is harder on women. You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of this post.
Barry told us the difference between men and women in caregiving role:
- Men keep their jobs longer, hire more help, and feel more support from the community.
- Women quit their jobs, feel more isolated, and less supported.
So, I asked Barry: If men weather the caregiving storm better, what can women learn from men? A few suggestions:
1. Ask for help. Ask men for help with practical, solution-focused tasks.
2. Participate in a community that honors your role.
3. When appropriate, take a pragmatic, rather than emotional, viewpoint of a situation. Often, it’s not about you, even when it feels like it’s all about you.
Women can teach men:
1. How to manage a difficult emotional experience, as well as how to express emotions about a difficult situation.
2. How to experience closeness with a family member suffering from chronic illnesses.
3. How to nurture and care for all our family members.
I think we tend to view the differences in gender with judgment. If we can view the difference as assets and look to use those assets to our advantage, I think we are much better off. When we use the differences effectively, we can find a better balance.
And, you?? What say you?
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
Bette
I admire those who are teachable, and have always tried to be that way myself. (: When I first saw the topic of the show today, I felt “a bit” of an attitude come over me…(: I think it was because I immediately thought of my brothers, who are not involved with my mother’s caregiving. I still feel a small amount of resentment because of this, even after 8 years of caregiving. As I listened to the show, it began making perfect sense to me. It is a much better feeling to try and learn from each other than to harbor ill feelings. One of my brothers approaches life in a very lighthearted way, and the other is very regimented in his thinking. If I could take a sprinkle of each, I couldn’t help but benefit. I have heard it said that women speak 3 times as many words in a day than a man. True or not, maybe I can learn from this as well. My husband approaches decisions to be made in a very simple way, and I have paragraphs of thoughts that go into the same decisions. We definitely can learn from each other. Caregiving is full of teachable moments.