I hate it…I hate it…I hate it….!! When mom says, ”I have to use the bathroom.” Did I say I hate it??
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Bette
Donna,
Hi. I am so sorry, because with that feeling, I know there are many others. I can so relate to this. Thank you.
Donna W
it’s because, she hasn’t used the toilet or potty in a long time…only occaisionally will she say she has to go, and telling her to just go in her pants is not easy to do, so it is painfully awkward and I hate it.
Denise
That is a well-deserved hate! I hate it for you. Ugh. Does it feel better to say it? It takes an awful lot of self-control to “pretend” a situation is okay to manage. Too much, I think! I’m glad you said it to us.
Donna W
It does help to say it unfortunately! It is easier for me to clean up what I clean up knowing that that is what I have to do, no explanations, it is involuntary on her part. But when she knows she has to go and says so, can’t even describe what that does to me, and I have written about it before too, doesn’t get any easier that is for sure.
Bette
Hi Donna,
I had forgotten that your mom is in bed. Oh my, that must be so awful, and having to explain to her when she asks. I am relating to this because of all the clean ups here lately. I hate it, yet it is pitiful, but I feel like I am cleaning constantly and so on…I’m so sorry.
Donna W
yeah I just went through the “elimination” process with her Monday and Tuesday. I use to have to have a weekly “excavation” time, that ended last spring I think, and everything changed to depends and bed. I fortunately am very able to do this stuff because of a background as an aide in nursing homes, and private homes, and of course I am my mother’s daughter, she was an aide for 15 years in a hospital. But, all that means nothing when she looks at me and says “I need to use the bathrom”…..and I can’t take her.
G-J
Oh, my, I can relate. My Dad was in Depends for over a year, first as a precaution and then because it was necessary. I didn’t know they would leak as much as baby’s diapers! At least with a baby you can change the diapers, but with my Dad, he wouldn’t change them because he didn’t know he was wet and would get an adult diaper rash. The nursing staff where he lived would ask if he was wet, and couldn’t force him to change. I would get calls that he’d wet the sheets, had gone through all the sheet sets, and could I bring more. Thank you for sharing.
Donna W
Here are some of the things I did with mom before hospice stepped it.
under her sheet and pad, would be a large sheet of plastic
on top of her sheet in the middle of the bed, another sheet of plastic, on top of that towels or folded sheet
this made for lots of washing if she leaked, which she usually did.
then with hospice, they had the blue or green pads to use so I eliminated all the plastic and towels and folded sheet. I used 2 of the pads instead.
I also would take one of the diapers, trim off the thin areas,turn it inside out for the absorbant area to be used and insert it in a full panty, this is what she wore at night. It helped some against flooding….
now she eats so little, I stopped using the insert, there is seldom any excess wetting to deal with.
as for the rest of her body elimination,that is a whole different entry unto itsef.
we use a barrier cream on her if needed, provided by hospice, but it is available in drugstores too.
and yes G-J, those suckers leak, worse then baby’s
I always keep a bed pad on mom’s gel cushion in her wheel chair when she is up, just in case.
chairs, everything they sit on has to be protected with plastic and a cover of some type, and maybe even plastic on the floor under them, (seriously, yes)
Sharon
Oh,Donna! I am so sorry for all that you are going through-emotionally especially. We deal with Depends, pads, rubber pants etc here, but my husband does go to the bathroom yet with help. I guess I should be thankful I have to get up during the night to help him to the bathroom instead of considering it a burden.
It must be so diffiuclt emotionally to tell her that she can’t use the bathroom and has to go in her pants. I am glad you trusted us all here enough to vent your feelings. Remember also to run to the shadow of His wings.
Donna Ryan
Donna…Im so sorry as well…..I am blessed to say I am extremely grateful my mom can still walk herself to the restroom . she also wears depends 24/7 because sometimes she wont make it in time…occasionally when she soils the depends, not wets the process in which she takes it off becomes a bit messy and due to her blindness in one eye she doesnt realize what was left behind. While that is not nearly as uncomfortable as telling her to go in her diaper sneaking into the bathroom with the cleaning products to not embarrass her is also difficult sometimes. Thank you my friend for sharing this story with all of us. Your my special road map. You know I always call you that. You give me a glimpse of what may be to make me a little bit more grateful on the days I feel are bad that it could always be worse. But knowing I have you and all the others in here should the day come is so helpful. Im sorry again for this emotional experience today!!
Donna Webb
Thanks everyone, this is my favorite venting place filled with my favorite people! I’m over the emotional thing of this morning, have to get over it. Got mom up and into the front room for a few hours today, she is napping now.